Why do I feel like this?
For the last month or two, I’ve been noticing this “meh” feeling in myself, and it’s strange.
I’m not unhappy—quite the opposite. When I think about it, life is friggin’ fantastic right now: I’m getting married in 5 weeks, our business is up 218%, I’m starting the second book, I’m flying again to do in-person events, I’m seeing friends I haven’t seen in the last two years. And yet, I’ve also had this feeling that I can’t quite articulate and can’t put my finger on. I was telling the team about it last week, and I could only describe it to them as . . . meh.
On Sunday, I was lying in bed, thinking about this strange feeling, when I came across an episode of one of Brené Brown’s podcasts that features one of my faves: Amy Cuddy. Brené was interviewing Amy about an article Amy wrote in The Washington Post about something she called “pandemic flux syndrome” . . . and it immediately gave me the ability to put this strange feeling I’ve had into words.
The big idea behind pandemic flux syndrome is that many of us may be at a point where we are experiencing conflicting emotions: On one hand, we may feel concerned about the spread of the virus and anxious about the implications that the spread will have on our lives, on those we care about, and on our work. On the other hand, we may also feel hopeful about the future and all that is to come.
Perhaps it feels like doing a dance where we take a step forward and then a step back, or maybe we even take both of those steps in the same moment. Perhaps it feels like being completely fatigued from having to recalibrate to the changing environment around us so many times that we don’t have it in us to recalibrate anymore. Perhaps it feels like we need a break from all of this so that we can recharge, but it’s not clear when that break will come. And when you put all of this together, it might leave us feeling detached, anxious, or just . . . meh.
The part that really resonated with me in the article was this: As humans, we have a tendency to inaccurately predict what our emotions will be after significant events and how long those emotions will last. Amy wrote that Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert and University of Virginia psychologist Tim Wilson have a name for it: They call it “affective forecasting errors.”
Examples of this in the article include overestimating how upset one might be after a breakup or how happy one might be after their team wins a major sporting event. Even if we get the emotion right, we may overestimate its strength and how long it will last. Amy put it in the context of what we are living through right now: One example might be how you expect to feel when you see friends that you haven’t seen in a while. Perhaps you are expecting it to be an unbelievably special experience, but in reality, you end up feeling a little weird and disconnected, and maybe that causes you to feel let down.
I thought about the times when I have inaccurately predicted my emotions in this season:
I expected in-person events to feel transformational after delivering sessions from behind a screen for more than a year and a half. While I was so happy to be in a room with people again, I also felt awkward and insecure, and it took me a bit to get my footing. Instead of exploring hotels and cities at night like I thought I might, I found myself wanting to retreat to my hotel room.
I expected that the ability to go out to dinners, social events, and parties again would feel liberating. While it was wonderful going out and socializing again, I also found myself wanting to leave earlier than I normally would so that I could be cozy in my home with my family.
I expected seeing friends and family again to feel like dramatic, emotional reunions in the best possible way. Reuniting with loved ones was oh-so-special, and also, it was anti-climatic. We just picked back up where we left off talking on FaceTime. It wasn’t nearly as “emotional” as I thought it would be.
I expected the Student Maid transformation was going to feel out-of-this-world and like I was starting a completely new chapter in my life. It was amazing and freeing, yes, and also, life continued to go on, and it felt very natural. I realized that it wasn’t as big of a shift as I thought it would be, and that our business was already well-positioned to continue to grow in the direction we’ve been growing in.
I expected to feel so happy that 2020 is behind us. Don’t get me wrong: There’s so much I didn’t like about it and I’m happy those parts are over. But the slower pace, the stillness, the knowing that everyone was slowing down together . . . I really, really liked that part a lot. Surprisingly, I find myself reminiscing on 2020 and wanting to go back to certain moments.
Those are just a few of my examples. Can you think of times when you have misjudged how you might feel in this season and how long those feelings might last? And did misjudging these emotions cause you to feel let down in any way?
All of these can add up to reasons why you might have this “meh” feeling inside like I do, even when life is great.
I’m not sure how you feel. Maybe you feel pieces of this. Maybe you can’t relate. But even if you can’t, I want you to know that there are people who are feeling this, and it’s important that we talk about it so that we can humanize it and help people see that they aren’t alone.
Let’s ask people how they are doing. Let’s share how we are doing. Let’s talk to our teams about “pandemic flux syndrome.” Let’s share Amy’s article and ask everyone to read it and give their interpretation. Let’s help ourselves and others put words to the confusing emotions we and they might be feeling inside. And most of all, let’s remember to take care of ourselves. No one has done this before. There’s no playbook for this.
I’m remaining committed to taking breaks and keeping the slower pace, something I feel lucky to have learned in 2020. And next week, I’ll take my third break week of the year. A whole week off with no plans other than to take walks in the sun, cook healthy meals, watch movies, read books if I’m up for it, and rest. I will do things that nourish my soul so that I can continue to be the best version of myself in this season, for me, for my family, for my team, and for you.
I’ll see you back here on Oct 5th after my break is over, ready to pick back up, one step at a time, one day at a time. Until then, please remember the extraordinary impact you can have on someone’s life simply by asking them how they are doing. What a beautiful chance we have to be here for one another today and always!
Big hugs (and you got this!),
Kristen
PS: No LIVE this week or next because of an engagement I have this Wednesday and my break week next week! We will resume on Wednesday, 10/6 at 11 a.m. ET! I’ll be interviewing one of my first coaches, Paul. We are talking about the transformational work we did together and how to become more self-aware. I hope you’ll join us! Register here: https://bit.ly/3kWe2kT
PPS: If you haven’t signed up for our Human Leadership Program yet, we have released our next set of dates! March 16 + 17 . . . get your tickets before we sell out! You can purchase here!
