What if your organization doesn’t embrace human leadership?
I recently received a message on Instagram from someone asking for advice on what to do if your organization doesn't embrace human leadership, but you see a need for it.
It’s such an important question, and it’s one I also dive into during our Human Leadership Program. I try to speak to the idea that just one person can make a big difference in an organization—and I also understand that if you're not at the top of the ladder, it can feel defeating and impossible to change the entire culture of an organization.
So: How do advocates of human leadership and more human work cultures convince others that it's time for a change?
This might be surprising to you, but in its early years, my first company, Student Maid, had an incredibly toxic culture. People gossiped about each other nonstop; they would up and quit with no warning and without saying why; and resentment built and built because no one felt safe to speak up about anything. I had no idea why this was happening or what to do about it because I was so young and new to leadership and business. I didn’t change my behavior as a leader because no one ever gave me feedback and I never gave it to them. I wasn’t self-aware, and I couldn’t see how I was contributing to the problem. My heart was in the right place, and I cared deeply, but I didn’t know how to be the leader my team needed me to be.
Until Maria.
Maria joined our cleaning team when she was a student. She was fairly new to our company when she walked into my office and said something like this to me:
“Kristen, I have some tough love to give you. You are not walking your talk. You say that these core values we have on the wall are important, but your actions don’t show that. You are keeping people on the team who don’t live the values, and because of that, I’m losing my trust and respect for you as a leader.”
Ouch.
I don’t remember exactly how I responded, but I remember that I listened and that it was a lightbulb moment for me.
It hurt me deeply to hear how my actions had resulted in Maria’s loss of trust in me. But more than that, Maria’s feedback helped me see that I needed to do things differently. That was the moment when our culture started to change for the better, and it was all because of Maria’s courage to give me that feedback to my face.
Because one person had the courage to speak up, I let the people go who were undermining our culture. Because of one person, I began to learn the value of having a culture of open feedback. Because of one person, I started walking my talk as a leader.
I share that because I don’t want you to underestimate the difference you can make. I understand that there was another part of the equation here—I was willing to hear Maria and do something with her feedback—but if we never speak up and we never try, how will we ever know the difference we could have made?
There’s a saying I love: Choose your hard. Both routes to change—speaking up and not speaking up—are hard.
If you choose the latter, nothing changes, and that’s hard. But if you choose to speak up, two things can happen. Worst case: You’re met with someone who doesn’t care, who doesn’t change, or who retaliates against you for your feedback. Best case: The person on the other side hears you, and your feedback ignites a positive ripple effect and cultural change.
Whether it's the worst case or best case, you're going to get clarity. You’re going to learn that either your leader values you and wants to embrace this new kind of culture, and that gives you clarity that this is the place you want to be. Or, you will learn that your leader doesn’t care and isn’t receptive to change, and maybe that’s your sign to look for another organization to join. That’s clarity, too.
It’s not fair that we have to make that choice. Leaders should listen, they should change toxic behaviors, they should create environments that make you feel valued, supported, and empowered. But that's simply not reality. And personally, I believe that the organizations that don’t embrace human leadership simply don’t deserve you.
Now . . . what do you do if you come to the painful realization that your organization isn’t going to change, and yet, you can’t leave?
I have a friend who finds herself in this predicament as we speak. Right now, she has a job she really dislikes. She isn’t just unhappy; she’s ideologically opposed to the work her organization does. But she can’t leave: She is caring for ailing family members, and other jobs are hard to come by in the country where she lives. For the time being, she has decided to stay put.
But . . . because she knows she can’t change the entire mission of the huge organization, she’s decided that she will put her focus on what she can control: the culture of her own team. She has decided that she is going to embrace every aspect of human leadership. She goes to work every day thinking about how she can be the best leader and create the best environment for her people. That’s her purpose. That is what fuels her and gives her enough meaning in her day-to-day life to persevere until she’s able to move on to a new job.
When I talk about human leadership, I know that some people are immediately turned off. They think that it’s just too much of a departure from where we are in our world today, or they think their organization would never go for it in a million years. I totally understand these feelings: We have a long way to go. And yet. I am still hopeful that if enough of us start right here, right now, with whatever tools and influence we have available to us, we can start making a difference.
If you find yourself in an organization that doesn’t embrace human leadership—if your culture is exactly the opposite of welcoming and empowering—I encourage you to start right where you are. Model human leadership to the people you work closest with. Create an environment around yourself where people feel welcome to give you feedback; where they can be their strongest, most authentic selves; and where they feel valued. You have the power to make people feel that way, no matter what your role is.
And please: Give your leader a chance. Speak up about what you think needs to change. Give them an opportunity to change, like Maria did for me.
When I think about the people who left my company without giving me feedback, it hurts. I wish they would have given me a chance. I cared so much; I just had no idea what I was doing. And anyway, does anyone really know what they’re doing? There’s no guidebook for leadership. We learn by making mistakes, and we learn from those brave enough to give us feedback and hold us accountable to being the leaders we are capable of being.
I know a more human world at work is possible, and I hope you’ll join me in creating it.
Our next Human Leadership Program is coming up on November 1st and 2nd, and we’d love to have you there! Each program is full of people who believe in this kind of leadership, and we talk about the challenges integrating it into our workplaces. The ticket cost is pay-what-you-can because we don't want the fee to be a barrier. You can learn more and sign up here!
Big hugs,
