If we want psychologically safe organizations, we have to lean into discomfort
Human leadership can’t exist without psychological safety. It’s the foundation of human workplaces, and without it, it’s really hard to foster things like open feedback and vulnerability in a culture.
But I think what happens sometimes is that we confuse feeling psychologically safe with feeling comfortable—which misses the point. When we actually feel psychologically safe, we feel empowered to lean into discomfort. We trust that no matter how messy things get, we will come out okay—or better—on the other side.
In the early years of my leadership journey, I didn’t understand this at all. I was driven by one thing and one thing only: I wanted to keep people happy. I wanted them to feel like things were consistent, and I never wanted to rock the boat. For example, I held off on giving feedback that could help people grow because I didn’t want them to feel any bit of discomfort. I can remember going to the houses of our Student Maid clients to check on things, and even if the team had missed a ton of items on our checklist, I never said anything; I just fixed it myself. I wanted everyone to like their jobs and didn’t want to risk doing anything that could make them feel the opposite.
Thinking back on those times now, that’s when our culture was its most toxic. Gossip and turnover were rampant, and I can easily say it was the least psychologically safe environment we ever had. It wasn't until I decided to put my care for others above my desire to keep everyone comfortable (and to be comfortable myself) that we created a culture of psychological safety. When I finally started having the hard conversations, rocking the boat, making changes, and letting things get messy and human, our culture drastically improved.
So that’s what I want to share today: The uncomfortable things that we have to lean into and accept if we truly want psychological safety . . .
1. Failing and talking about it. Making mistakes can be so uncomfortable, and, let’s face it, embarrassing. Even painful. And while I absolutely believe that each of us should give ourselves #PermissionToScrewUp, it can be so hard to publicly own up to failure. That pain and embarrassment we feel might be the exact reason we choose not to share our failures. Maybe we fear judgment or what other people might think about us. We don’t have many societal examples of people admitting and owning their mistakes, which contributes to us being less likely to speak up. It makes us feel like we have to keep it to ourselves. But here’s the thing: We have to talk about it. We have to own our mistakes. We have to acknowledge them out in the open if we’re ever going to create psychological safety. And that has to start at the top: Leaders must set the example of what making mistakes and owning up to them looks like. When we talk openly about failure, acknowledge what we could have done better, and commit to learning from it, we create an environment where others feel safer to fail outwardly. We create spaces where instead of being seen as something to run from, failure is seen as growth. We can create resiliency by thinking about how we can do things better next time and the lessons we can take from the experience. The less taboo failure becomes, the more human we can be in how we approach it. It's uncomfortable, but it leads us to feeling safe.
2. Having courageous conversations. When you care about people and you work closely with them, it can be really uncomfortable to give feedback and have difficult conversations. Just like I used to withhold giving growth feedback, I think people have a tendency to keep quiet about the hard stuff because we don't want to hurt anyone or make them uncomfortable. It’s easy to tell yourself, “Oh, it doesn’t matter that much. I don’t need to tell them.” But you do. If people don’t have the courage to be honest with us about the things we need to change or work on, how will we ever know? And if you never give feedback, then people don’t know where they stand with you. That is actually what makes them feel unsafe. That’s why my team and I stick to our 24-hour rule for feedback: Because we give it promptly, we always know where we stand with each other. I never want my team to question whether I'm thinking something and not expressing it. So yes, hearing about ways you can improve might sting for a moment, but it also builds trust. Having courageous conversations shows people that you care enough about them to be honest, and they will trust you because of that.
3. Being vulnerable. Vulnerability takes many forms: It might look like opening up to your colleagues when you’re going through a difficult time. It could look like sharing an idea. It could look like giving feedback, talking about failure, or even sharing how your day is going. There are so many ways we can be vulnerable at work, and it often requires taking a risk and having the courage to share something you don’t have to share. And I think it’s a risk worth taking. Vulnerability is contagious: When one person has the courage to be vulnerable, it can inspire those around them to follow their lead. The more we are vulnerable, the more we deepen our relationships and our trust. The more empathy and compassion we have for each other. Vulnerability allows people to truly see us, hear us, and support us—and vice versa. It’s one of the biggest ingredients that can lead to psychological safety in a culture.
While each of these three things may require us to get uncomfortable, each one also helps us build trust and safety. We can’t have one without the other.
I hope this post inspires you to think differently about the culture you have on your team: Do you think your team confuses psychological safety with being comfortable? If so, what steps can you take to change that together?
I’m rooting for you!
Big hugs,
