10 Things I Wish I’d Known When I Graduated
© Pete Longworth
To the Class of 2020 (and all students, really):
I can’t imagine being in your shoes. As you finish this momentous school year and embark on the next chapter of your lives, there’s so much uncertainty. It’s okay to feel confused, overwhelmed, and lost, and it’s also okay to feel hopeful and optimistic. While I didn’t graduate during a pandemic, I distinctly remember feeling those same feelings all at the same time. I won’t pretend to know what the future holds for you, but there’s one thing I do know in my heart with absolute certainty: Our world needs you.
It’s always been a dream of mine to give a commencement speech, so let’s just pretend that’s what’s happening here. Imagine we are standing together, you in your caps and gowns, and your loved ones looking on, beaming with pride. It would go a little something like this . . .
There are 10 things I wish I had known when I graduated.
First: No one really knows what they’re doing. Not all the time, anyway. Not your friends, not your professors, not your parents, not even the people you admire most. You won’t, either. Just like everyone else, you will question yourself throughout your life. You will feel sudden urges to reinvent yourself. Sometimes you will feel lost and like you’ll never have it all together. Sometimes you will feel on top of the world and like you have it all figured out. Success is a lifelong journey, not a destination. Enjoy the journey, and when you feel alone, remember that everyone else has those same feelings at times, even if they don’t talk about it.
Second: Train yourself to be a problem-solver. When you have a question, please, for the love of leadership, don’t immediately Google it or ask someone for the answer. We need more leaders who choose to think with their incredible brains and hearts. When you’re stuck, try one of my favorite tools: It’s called the 1:3:1. 1: What is the problem or challenge you hope to solve? 3: What are 3 potential ideas or solutions that could solve that problem? And 1: What is the solution you recommend? You have the answers within you, I promise. Approach challenges with the 1:3:1 and soon you’ll conquer the world.
Third: Your GPA doesn’t define you. In 10 years, you will not remember the poor grade you got on your Chem test. Those aren’t the tests that matter. I remember reading a story from the CEO of Charles Schwab that really sums up what is most important in life. He had one final to take before graduation and needed to get an A on it in order to keep his 4.0 GPA. He studied and studied and studied. When he walked into class to take the test, there was a blank piece of paper on everyone’s desk. The professor announced there would be just one question on the final exam: “What is the name of the person who cleans our classroom every day?” Everyone failed. That lesson is powerful: People are everything. No matter how smart you are, if you don’t care about people or take the time to notice them, you will not be successful. And let me tell you, our world needs more people who notice and who care.
Fourth: At this point in your life, it’s more important to search for what you don’t like than what you do. You may have heard that you should go “find your passion,” but let me save you some time: Searching for your passion right now is like searching for something without having any idea of what it looks like, where to find it, or even what you’re looking for. Instead of trying to figure out the one thing that will make you the happiest, try lots of things. Start by taking any job you can so you can figure out what you don’t like first. The more you learn what you don’t like, the more it will lead you to what you DO like. Be open to all experiences because no matter how they turn out, they will always teach you something about yourself.
Fifth: Be present in your relationships. I know your parents probably tell you this all the time, but put down your phone. I’m not too much older than you and I’m telling you it’s true. You don’t want to be at the end of your life wishing you had paid more attention to the people you loved. You want the people in your life to feel heard and seen by you. Get to know them . . . like really get to know them. Ask them questions about the lessons they’ve learned, the experiences that shaped who they are. There is always so much to learn about the people close to you, and you never know how much time you have left to learn it. No one gets to the end of life and wishes they had spent more time on Instagram. They wish they had spent more time with the people they love.
Sixth: When you fail—and you will, lots—you have a choice. You can choose to learn nothing and inevitably repeat that mistake—which is, in fact, failure. Or, you can choose to find the lesson in it. As long as you do it differently the next time around, it isn’t failure, even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for. That’s called learning. One of the greatest failures I’ve ever had in my life was the day that 45 people quit on me. It was in the early days of building my company, and it was completely devastating, but I would never take it back because it turned out to be a gift. That moment taught me so much about leadership, but it took me years to realize the profound effect it had on my growth. When you fail, I suspect it won’t ever feel good in the moment because it certainly hasn’t for me. But if you can choose to view each screw-up as a gift and learn from it, one day in the future, you’ll be able to look back and be thankful for the mistakes you made because they made you . . . you.
Seventh: If you want to start a business or write a book or start a blog or do any project that means something to you—just do it. Don’t overplan. Don’t overthink. So many people spend so much time planning and perfecting that the opportunity ends up passing them by. It takes courage to put something out into the world because it means you’ll learn if people like your ideas or not. But the only way to live a life of meaning is to have the courage to put your gifts out there, see what sticks, learn from what doesn’t, and pivot from there. So few people have the courage to get their music out—I hope that you will be one of them.
Eighth: Invest in your own learning. The only person who can make you the best leader and human is YOU! Read like crazy. Explore every aisle in the book store (or Audible shelf). (I actually took a speed-reading class so that I could read as many books as possible. I’m sure you can find a similar class online.) When I started my business, I’d spend weekends in the bookstore, soaking up as much knowledge as I could from every kind of author, from CEOs to coaches to parents to philanthropists. Some of my greatest mentors I found in the books I read. And after spending 2.5 years writing my own book, I can tell you that authors often put their greatest lessons and life stories in their books. They put so much heart into them. We write because we want to impart the lessons we’ve learned so that you can use them to lead better lives. Read our stories. (At the end of this post, I have some recommended reads to get you started, so no excuses!)
Ninth: Be yourself. It’s so simple, so cliche, but it’s still so hard. Wear what makes you confident. Honor your values. Speak your truth. It doesn’t matter if others don’t like it. You know you stand for something when people disagree with you. Here’s what will happen the longer you are not yourself: One day, you will wake up and realize that you lived your life for everyone else, and you’ll realize how much that’s cost you. It’s absolutely exhausting. One of the most empowering feelings I ever had in my life was the day I woke up and decided to be me. I hope that day comes a lot sooner for you.
And lastly: The world needs you. You are a leader. Did you know that? Everyone is. Everyone has the ability to impact the person to the right of them and the left of them. Everyone has the ability to brighten someone’s day, to believe in someone before they believe in themselves, to spread compassion and love and empathy and everything that the leaders who have come before you have sadly forgotten. Those “soft skills” you hear about but were never tested on? They are so important. Not sure why we call them “soft” because there isn’t anything soft about them. Skills like problem-solving, communication, relationship-building, giving and accepting feedback, vulnerability—they are hard and they are everything. Work to get better at them, read books about them, study people who do them well. No matter what path you pursue in life, these skills will come in handy. The more you learn, the more you will change the world. We need a more caring world where people come first—and if anyone can help us build it, I know it's you.
. . . and there we have it! If I could have it my way, there’d be confetti as you all throw your caps into the air and we celebrate what a huge milestone this is for your life and for our world.
To the class of 2020, I’m so unbelievably proud of you. We all are.
Big hugs,
Kristen
As promised, here are the 5 books I’d recommend as you embark on this next chapter:
The Defining Decade by Meg Jay, a book about how to live your twenties so the rest of your life is what you’d like it to be.
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey, a book about those hard “soft” skills the world needs more of.
Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl, a book about mindset and living a life of meaning.
Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown, a book about being yourself and belonging to yourself.
And a shameless plug: Permission to Screw Up by yours truly, because I wrote it for you and exactly where you are in your life.
Heads up: I may receive a commission from our affiliate partners when you buy through these links. Once an entrepreneur, always an entrepreneur, right? I promise I’m not pushing anything just to make a dollar, though. I truly love these books and give them my highest recommendation.
