When your leader needs help
Group hug circa 2017
Hi! Kristen’s team here. We’re taking over her blog this week. Why? We’ll explain.
You see, Kristen has published a blog every single week for over a year now. It’s just one of the many things she pours her heart into as she serves and helps others; she never wants to let anyone down. It's one of the qualities we admire most about her, but it can also be one of her weaknesses.
As a team, we’ve been doing everything we can to take care of our people and make sure everyone is paid during this time. We know we aren’t the only ones with added stress right now: The pressure to take care of our team members, balance the finances so that everyone can still take home a paycheck, and look ahead to make sure our business stays afloat is immense. And do you know who bears the brunt of that burden? The business owner. On our team, that’s Kristen.
Whether she’s said it or not, our team has noticed the pressure Kristen has been under lately. We recognize her heart to serve, care for, and ultimately protect each and every one of us, no matter the cost. Before the pandemic, she was on a plane every other day, giving speeches and leading workshops all over the world. You’d think that with having physical speeches canceled, she might slow down, but not Kristen: Her normal work ethic has increased tenfold. She now spends 14+ hours 6+ days a week on her laptop, speaking, writing, coaching, leading, having meetings, doing interviews, and helping others. On top of that, she’s spent most of the lockdown living apart from her fiance, who’s a neurosurgeon in high demand. She’s gone the longest she’s ever gone without seeing her parents so she can keep them safe. And if all that weren’t enough, she has this huge fear—like so many entrepreneurs and business owners right now—that if she stops working for even a second, her business will fail, her people will starve, and it will all be her fault.
We could tell that she hasn’t been at her best. She was beginning to step into parts of the business she usually leaves to us. She was getting a little more micromanage-y than normal and taking control of things she didn’t need to be involved in. But she wasn’t asking us to share the burden; if anything, she was trying to take on more of it to shield us from the pressure she felt.
So what do you do when you know your leader needs your help but they aren’t asking for it?
The first step is listening. During a leadership team meeting last week, we asked Kristen to candidly share how she felt. We gave her the space to share her stress and frustrations before we offered our perspective. We talked about how we’d been feeling and gave her our feedback in the most specific and meaningful ways we knew how in the moment. Even though we’ve had these types of conversations countless times and we know each other really well, they’re still a little uncomfortable. But what’s most important is that we let each other talk freely with no judgment or defensive remarks. When you have these tough conversations, it’s crucial to give everyone the time and space to get things off their chests before moving into solutions mode. On our team, we know that the uncomfortable conversations are where the growth happens and that we always end them better than we started. No matter what is said, we know it’ll be OK because we trust and care for each other and know that what we say is coming from a place of love.
The second step is finding solutions. After we shared how we were feeling, we started to throw out ideas for how we could work better together and what we needed from each other. We talked through things that we could take off Kristen’s plate and built on each other’s ideas until we all felt good about them.
Before we signed off of our meeting, we reminded Kristen how much we appreciate everything she does for us, every single day. We encouraged her—or, if we’re being honest, ordered her—to take a freakin’ break. We suggested that she put up more boundaries around her personal time so she can feel better as a person before she throws herself into work. Oh, and we told her we would take care of this week's blog post so she could do just that.
Our message to you is this:
If you’re lucky enough to know a person who works incredibly hard for you, remember that they need help too. They might just be really bad at asking for it. Recognize what they’re going through, thank them for it, and then find out what you can do to make each day a little easier—even if it’s something small. Just being reminded that they have your support and appreciation will make a world of difference.
And if you’re a leader who feels like the world is on your shoulders in this season, you are not alone. Remember there is a team around you who is likely willing and able to help with the things you haven’t even considered asking for help with. Bring them into the conversation and let them take some things off your plate. You’re doing yourself and your company a disservice by trying to do it all yourself.
None of us were meant to bear the burden alone.
With love,
Kristen’s Team (Monique McHugh, Rachel Rowan, Amanda Thompson & Cheyenne Jones)
