The smallest feedback can be the hardest to give
I had a moment recently where I almost stopped myself from giving someone feedback—not because I was afraid to give it, but because the feedback I wanted to give was so minor.
Here’s what happened:
My team posts short teasers with links to my blog posts on LinkedIn every week. A few weeks ago, someone left a comment on one of these posts saying that the link to that week’s blog post was missing. I saw the comment, grabbed the link, and posted it in the comments section, which solved the problem and took all of 30 seconds.
After I did that, I stopped and thought about what to do next. I had two choices: Now that I’d fixed the issue, I could move on and say nothing to my team. Or, I could share this tiny bit of feedback with Rachel, our Chief of Content, who is responsible for these posts and links.
I really thought about not saying anything. In the grand scheme of things, this was not a big deal. It would have been so easy to just keep moving forward in the day and not address it. And in the past, I think that's what I would have done. I would have swept it under the rug because I didn't ever want to come across as a leader who watches out for every little mistake.
At the same time, though, posting the link did take time out of my day, and I’ve learned over the years that avoiding the little stuff can actually make things more challenging in the end. If we don't address the little things, they can build up. And if a person doesn't know that these things are building up in the first place and then you decide to point them out all at once one day down the road, you risk losing a lot of trust with that person. In that situation, instead of focusing on the feedback at hand, all that person can think about is why you didn’t address these things as they happened.
So even though the feedback was really minor, I decided to give it to Rachel anyway because I know that that is what builds trust. And I know that if I had made a mistake, I would want to know so that I could avoid it in the future, and I wanted to give Rachel the same opportunity.
I took a screenshot of the post and the comment our follower left on LinkedIn and sent it along with a message to Rachel on Slack. My message said something like, “Happy Monday! I saw this and wanted to share it with you for the future. I posted the link in the comments and all is good.”
(By the way, I only used Slack because the feedback was minor. If it had been a larger issue, I would have had a conversation with Rachel on the phone or on Zoom. As a remote team, we've learned a lot about the best methods for communicating feedback. It’s too easy for things to be misinterpreted over text or messaging apps, so we think really intentionally about the best method to deliver feedback to someone when we have something to share.)
Rachel responded to my Slack message with a quick, “Whoops. Thanks for telling me!”
And what I realized in that moment is that because Rachel is really good at receiving little feedback like that, I feel safe giving it to her.
Rachel and I have been working together for 13 years. We don’t let issues build up; if there is an issue, I address it within 24 hours, and I know she tries to do the same. We both share what we’re thinking and feeling all the time. And because of that, we have a relationship with high trust that can weather feedback conversations big and small.
If Rachel were someone who got defensive, who didn't acknowledge feedback, or who got upset about receiving feedback as minor as this, that would have absolutely affected my decision about whether to give her the feedback. I think I would have hesitated and really had to think about it. I wouldn’t have felt safe.
And if I felt that way about giving her minor feedback, there’s no way I would feel safe talking to her about bigger issues. Think about it: If we're dismissive or defensive when someone points out something small, why would they ever want to share something big?
But because Rachel has responded well to little feedback in the past, I did feel safe telling her about this. And because she takes the small things well, I feel safe addressing bigger things with Rachel when they come up.
As always with feedback, it’s a two-way street. We have to have the courage to address the little things, but we also have to have the courage to receive the little things. And if we can do that, we can build major trust in our working relationships.
Have you ever hesitated to point out a minor mistake? What made you pause? What did you end up doing? Is there a little piece of feedback that you're avoiding giving right now? Has this blog helped you think about how to address it? Tell me more! Hit “reply” and share your thoughts.
Remember: Don’t sweep it under the rug. Rarely (if ever) does that make it better. You’ve got this!
Big hugs,
