The power we all have to be a mirror
Would you be willing to sit in a room with your team and ask them to give you feedback—in front of everyone?
I recently had the privilege of watching a courageous leader do just this.
I was leading an offsite for him and his leadership team. The focus of our day was on core values and how to review people based on performance and behaviors. This particular leader thought it would be powerful to use himself as an example. He wanted his team to evaluate him on the organization's core values using a scale of 1 (not living them at all) to 5 (embodying them with every behavior and action).
. . . oh, and there were easily 40 people in the room. Talk about courage.
This is how we did it: First, each person in attendance scored him on each value and submitted their scores to me anonymously. While they did that, the leader evaluated and scored himself on each value. Then, I calculated the average team score for each value and compared that score to the one that he gave himself.
Once I had the final scores, it was time for feedback and conversation. The leader sat next to me in the front of the room, looking out into the eyes of his team. We went value by value. I asked him to first share the score he gave himself and why. Then, I shared the team’s average score for that value. And then, we opened up the floor for the team to give their specific feedback about why they chose that score. And they did this out loud in front of everyone.
Talk about courage from the team.
It was so special to be a witness to the courage exhibited on both sides of the room. It was amazing to watch this team be so open and honest with their feedback, and it was equally amazing to watch this leader receive that feedback well. He repeated what people said back to them to show that he understood it. He asked questions and got curious about the feedback. He wasn’t dismissive or defensive. And as a result, it encouraged the team to keep sharing and continue being transparent with their feedback.
That conversation wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been open to it or hadn’t received the feedback well. And it wouldn’t have happened if the team didn’t have the courage to give the feedback he was asking for.
Watching this powerful conversation got me thinking about how we all have the ability to do this. We can all ask people to give us feedback, and we can all share our perspectives with others. We can all be “mirrors” for others and ask them to be mirrors for us. No matter which side of that conversation you are on, it takes courage. And when we are willing to be courageous, that’s where real growth and leadership happens.
When was the last time you asked for feedback? Maybe this leader’s example will inspire you. If you’re looking for a place to start, here are five of my favorite questions that I’ve personally asked people I trust. The answers have always been so insightful for me:
Where do you see my biggest opportunity for growth as a leader?
How do you see me getting in my own way?
What are two things I should keep doing that are having a positive impact on you and the team?
What am I doing that is making it harder for you to do your job?
What is one thing I can do that would make the most impactful difference in our working relationship?
Leading teams through feedback sessions is one of the most meaningful things that I get to do in my work. I have seen firsthand so many times how feedback can completely change a culture and elevate trust in relationships. It’s important to remember that there is no perfect leader or team; we all have ways that we can grow. How cool that we can create the space to talk about it together.
Big hugs,
