Settle with yourself

Walking and writing this post!

As I write this, I’m taking a walk.

It’s a beautiful, sunny day in Houston. I can hear the birds chirping and the sound of lawns being mowed. Now that I’m outside, I remember why I do this. It feels good. I feel happier. I feel more energized. And that’s why I’ve made the commitment to do something active every day—even if it’s for just 10 minutes.

Yet, over the last week, I’ve only honored that commitment 4 out of 7 days. Why? You already know the answer.

Because how do you juggle it all?

How do you do all the important stuff when everything feels important?

How do you handle the tension of multiple commitments?

How do you blend work commitments and outside-of-work commitments?

How do you get it all done in 24 hours?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Not just about exercise and the commitment to being healthy, but about all of it: The commitment of being a bonus parent. The commitment of being a sister, daughter, friend, and partner. The commitment of being a leader. The commitment of being a business owner. All the roles I play in life, all of which are important to me, and all of which come with their own set of goals and responsibilities.

So how on earth am I—one person—and how on earth are you—also one person—supposed to juggle all of the roles that are important to us?

I was talking to Cheyenne, our Chief of Operations, about this very challenge last week. She shared an analogy she read about recently, and it’s been on my mind ever since. It goes like this . . .

We are all juggling. Some of the balls we juggle are made of plastic and some are made of glass. The key is knowing which balls are made of glass and making sure we don’t drop them, because if we do, they can shatter. If there are any balls we can afford to drop, it’s those made of plastic. And so, the key is knowing which balls are your glass ones, and which ones aren’t, and then structuring your time and priorities accordingly.

I love this analogy because I think it so beautifully describes the dilemma I feel inside most days: I have a lot of glass balls. More glass ones than plastic ones for sure. Maybe that’s because I’ve gotten better at setting boundaries around the plastic ones, and now all I see are the priorities in my life. The challenge for me now is that I feel like I’m constantly juggling glass.

I’m not sure if I’m qualified to teach you anything about this because I’ve let some glass balls shatter in my life. My health. Relationships. Sometimes the business. Though when I reflect on my growth in every shattering moment, I think I’ve learned some lessons that might be helpful to share.

The best juggling tip I have to offer is that you can’t be perfect at it all. As much as I would love to spend every waking moment being present with Evie and Spiros, I can’t. As much as I would love to hang out with my friends every single weekend and call them multiple times a week to catch up, I can’t. As much as I would love to achieve exponential growth in my business month over month, I can’t. As much as I’d love to never work when I’m around my parents or my sister, I can’t. As much as I’d love to get 8 hours of sleep, drink 80 oz. of water, and exercise every day, I can’t. Take any one or two of those things, and sure, I could do it. But I can’t do all of them. I am one person. I am human. And so are you.

I guess what I’m telling you to do is settle. Not settle in your life; settle in the expectations you have for yourself. So many times, I have realized that the pressure I feel to do it all has come from ME. From my self-imposed expectations and from my self-imposed discouragement when I don’t meet those expectations.

I’ll give you an example of what settling with myself looks like:

Last week, I was in my hometown for a speech, and I used it as a chance to stay with my family for a couple of days. I felt several commitments tugging at me: Catching up on work since I’d just taken a couple weeks off, visiting with my family, and visiting with my childhood friends.

My natural response is always to work. It’s the glass ball I juggle the most delicately, and that feels horrible for me to admit, but it’s true. So when my friend texted me to see if we could do dinner, I wrote her back and told her it wouldn’t work out. But then I sat with myself and I realized, you know what? I can definitely do dinner. It means I won’t get as caught up as I’d like, and I’m going to need to learn to be okay with that. So I wrote her back and told her we were on, and then texted a few of my friends and asked if they could join, too. Another night, my family wanted to go to dinner. After a day of meetings, I had planned to use the evening to execute on a few things and keep some projects moving. But I challenged myself to be okay with those projects staying at a standstill. Of course I could do that if it meant going to dinner with my family. On the opposite end, there were times during the workday that I knew my parents wished I wasn’t working. I had to accept that I was slightly bumming them out because the fact is, my responsibility as a leader matters too.

We can’t be perfect at everything. The more we are willing to humanize ourselves and our expectations, the easier the glass balls become to juggle.

So here I am. On a walk. Happy that it happened today. Totally cool if it can’t happen again tomorrow. And while I’d love to keep this blog post going, and while I’m sure I could share more to make it a more impactful read for you, I have to settle with leaving it here. I have a date calling my name. Her name is Evie, and I’m picking her up from camp so we can spend the rest of the afternoon together.

I hope this post helps you see that you aren’t alone, and I hope it inspires you to give yourself permission to be human, not perfect.

Big hugs,

Kristen

PS: We are so excited to welcome over 200 hearts from around the world to our Human Leadership Program on August 11th and 12th! Join us to elevate your authenticity and humanity as a leader and to explore the future of leadership. A few attendees from our last program helped us create this video to share what the experience is like. We have fewer than 50 seats remaining! Save $100 on the price of your ticket here.

PPS: I hope you’ll join us for REAL TALK tomorrow, Wednesday, at 11 a.m. ET! I’ll be interviewing a special guest about leadership. Join by registering here: https://bit.ly/3kWe2kT

With love, from Evie