My vision for how teams support each other
A few weeks ago, my family lost my beautiful cousin, Julie, after a 10-year battle with cancer. It was hard and it was sad.
Work was busy, and I didn’t want to let anyone down. I thought about not taking a single day off and “powering through” my grief. But here’s the thing: I didn’t want to work. I wanted to be with my family. And no one on my team was expecting me to keep working—I was putting that expectation on myself.
So, I asked our team for help. We rescheduled lots of meetings with clients, which cleared a few days on my schedule and gave me time to grieve and travel to be with my family.
I would have encouraged any person on my team to do the same if they had lost a loved one. Why is it sometimes so hard to give ourselves the same kind of permission we give others?
It reminded me of a recent question from a member of our community. She had just experienced the sudden loss of a parent and was returning to work. As the leader of a team, her question was centered on how she could still be a leader and be strong for her team even though she had just experienced such a profound loss.
My heart aches for her. My answer to her was this:
“You don’t have to be strong—only human. It’s okay to have days where you feel like you are falling apart, and it’s okay to tell your team that. It’s okay to ask them for help. It’s okay to raise your hands in the air and have days where you just can’t do anything. It’s okay to tell your team when you don’t want to talk about it, and it’s okay to tell your team when you do. What you’ve just experienced is huge. It’s life-changing. And you don’t have to pretend it isn’t. Give yourself the same grace and love you would extend to someone on your team. Allow yourself to be human. Allow your team the chance to help and support you.”
I think it’s normal to feel the pressure of needing to be “strong” for your team even when you feel the opposite of strong. But no matter who you are or what your rank is, you are human. No one is immune to experiencing the ups and downs of life. It’s inevitable. And all of this has me thinking about what it really means to be on a team and how we can help each other navigate these inevitable life moments.
Being on a team means you get to witness others’ life journeys, and they get to witness yours. Every person goes through different seasons at different times. Some seasons will be happy and joyful, like engagements and weddings, babies, exciting travels, buying new houses, promotions, achieving big goals, or knocking something off the bucket list. And some will be sad and hard, like loss, divorce, relationship challenges, kids moving out, illness, miscarriages, caring for elderly parents, and tough transitions.
When I look at our team, I treasure the exciting milestones we’ve been able to witness in each other's lives. And also, there have been—and I know there will continue to be—hard times. I know that there will be life moments that will stop us in our tracks. I know there will be seasons when it will be hard to juggle work and what’s happening outside of it. And I truly believe that we can lean on each other in those times. If that’s not what a team is for, then what?
When I envision a team at work, I envision a group of people who spend the first few minutes of every meeting checking in. Creating the space to ask people how they are really doing and actually caring about the answer. I envision a group of people who carry each other at different times. I envision the leader of that team being carried at times, too. I don’t see the same person being carried day in and day out. I see it as being flexible and ever-changing, just like the natural ebb and flow of life. I see a group of people who extend empathy and grace. People who treat others based on how they would want to be treated when their season inevitably comes. People who are quick to help when a teammate is in over their head.
What an utterly amazing gift a team can be. The fact that we get to walk alongside each other through all the happy, sad, and in-between. That we get to rally around one another, lift each other up, and carry someone when they need help.
What are the people you work with going through? Some will speak up about it. Some may not want to. Some may not know how to.
Here’s an idea: Take this blog post and share it with your team. Have a conversation around where you each are in life right now. Create the space for people to share, if they desire to. What are the current bright spots in life? What are the current hard parts? How can you best support each other? Who needs help? What does it look like to help those who need it?
I hope this inspires you to be more human, to lean on the people around you, and to be someone who others can lean on, too.
Remember, you are human. And so is every person you work with.
I hope this post gets you thinking about all a team can do and be.
Big hugs,
Kristen
WHILE YOU’RE HERE . . .
If you are lucky enough to have a supportive team or supportive people in your life, take a minute to write down why you're grateful for them. Gratitude feels just as good to give as it does to get, so don't keep that list to yourself! Share it! Want to take your gratitude to the next level? Try writing an acknowledgement. It's a wonderful exercise that our team does every year. Download our guide here!
