Feeling like an imposter? You're not alone
I have a confession to make.
Lately, I’ve been through some personal stuff that I haven’t quite been able to articulate, but now I feel I’m ready to.
The Student Maid transition might have taken place in May of 2021 . . . but it’s just now taken place in me.
I hadn’t anticipated how much this change would impact me. My identity. How I feel about myself.
Student Maid was a part of my life for 14 years. That’s as if I raised a child from a newborn all the way to being in high school. And even though transitioning the company is something that I really wanted and I haven’t regretted my choice once, I can’t ignore the fact that this change has still been really hard for me.
I guess at times I’ve felt like an imposter. Like, because I don’t have Student Maid anymore, it means I’m not qualified as a CEO. It means I’m not leading as large of a team. How can I possibly speak to others about leadership and culture? Or guide and help develop other teams? Or write about business topics?
These are the thoughts that have crossed my mind over the last year, and they have prevented me from putting myself out there and being fully myself. They have prevented me from writing all that is in my heart, and they have kept me feeling a little bit stuck.
But then, a few weeks ago, I was in Oregon for an event and had some solo time. I was reflecting on all of this. How I feel like an imposter, and yet, it feels so silly to say it out loud. I had this moment while sitting outside on the porch of my hotel room where I realized, WAIT. I am still a CEO. I still have a team. Our culture is better than it ever was at Student Maid. We are more financially successful and growing at a pace that blows Student Maid’s metrics and growth rates out of the water. We are making a huge impact and lead hundreds of leadership sessions and coaching groups per year. We have graduated thousands from our leadership programs. We work with famous brands and teams from all over the world. And nothing can take away the 14+ years of experience that I had leading Student Maid. I do have ideas to share, I do have a unique view on culture and leadership, and I will do everything I can to show up and give it all I’ve got.
Seriously . . . that’s what I said to myself. And I’m not sure why it happened on that particular day in Oregon, but it was a sudden and drastic mindset shift. Like I had finally gotten to this place where I had processed the change fully and could see clearly. I remembered who I am deep down and what I’m capable of.
And now . . . I’M BACK, BABY!
It’s still me, but better. I’ve flipped a switch. I’ve been so inspired to write. I’ve been so inspired to bring our work to more organizations. I feel so full of life and passion and fully in the place I am meant to be.
I know I can’t be the only one who struggles with imposter syndrome or limiting thoughts. I like to think we all do in some way or another, but maybe we just don’t talk about it enough. Or maybe it’s just all in my head, and if that’s the case, that’s cool. I still want to share it with you.
The thing about change is that it changes us. In my example, I’m talking about a big professional change. But there are so many other examples . . . becoming a parent, your kids growing up and leaving the house, moving to a new city, ending or starting a relationship, loss, starting a business, starting a new job, leaving a job, illness. These events—and more—change our circumstances and they change us. And sometimes, long after the change has happened externally, we realize that we are still going through it internally. It can affect our mindset as we find our footing.
We might want to rush the process. I know I certainly wanted to. I wanted to be on the other side ASAP. I wanted to find my way quickly. I wanted to feel 100% confident in this new chapter. I didn’t want to go through the uncomfortable process of changing and meeting this new version of myself. But change requires time. And patience. And caring for ourselves. And sitting with ourselves. And amazing people—like you—who will listen when someone has something to share about a change they are going through. And sometimes, depending on what they are, changes can magnify the feelings of being an imposter or being inadequate or not really knowing who you are anymore. And in those moments, it’s important to remember that it’s all a part of the process.
If I had to sum up how the Student Maid change felt for me, it felt like an unraveling. It stripped me down to my core, and I had to rebuild. Student Maid was all I talked about for more than a decade. It was what I spent most of my time on. It was all I knew. And then, on May 9th of 2021, it was gone. Poof. My “comfort” and my “crutch” were no longer there. There were a few periods where I felt like I was having an existential crisis. I had thought I was so sure of who I was, and then, when Student Maid wasn’t there anymore, I no longer had any idea.
But patience, I’ve learned, is the answer. Patience and time are how we find ourselves again. We can’t read or think our way out of it. We must give ourselves the space to truly reconnect to our values and purpose. To learn a new pace. To explore and learn the other things that are also part of our identities, not just the part that is changing. And I know that if you can give it time, you will learn just like me that you are still there and you are still capable, and you will get to the other side of this change as the same you—but better.
If you are where I was, know that you aren’t alone. Know that this is all part of the process. Know that one day, you will be able to help someone else by sharing your story of change and what you learned from it.
Change is forward. It’s backwards. It’s a standstill. It’s a rollercoaster. It’s all of it. And the important thing is that we remember the one constant throughout it all: We are valuable and capable, no matter what.
Here’s to being back. And as always, thanks for listening.
Big hugs,
Kristen
WHILE YOU’RE HERE . . .
Struggling with limiting thoughts? You are not alone. We do a lot of work on our limiting beliefs (also called personal narratives) on our team, and it’s been a game-changer for our working dynamic. We all have narratives (imposter syndrome is an example of one), and we can learn to keep the parts that help us and reframe the parts that hold us back. Download our resource to learn how to reframe your narrative.
