Leading with tough love
Earlier in the year, I shared that one of my new hobbies is Lagree fitness. I'm still taking classes, and I’m still loving them.
When I joined my Lagree studio, one of my first classes was with a coach that I was immediately turned off by. I felt like her vibe and her approach were very different from that of the other coaches. Where the other coaches were encouraging and upbeat and gave lots of praise and recognition, this particular coach gave a lot of tough love and feedback. If your form was off or if you were transitioning too slowly from move to move, she would call you out on it. At times, it felt to me like she was pretty harsh.
I remember thinking in that first class with her that gee, it's already hard to be here at 6 a.m.; I don’t want to be yelled at! So from then on, I opted out of her classes. When a few friends of mine joined the same studio and asked me about my favorite instructors, I told them to avoid that one coach unless they were looking for the tough-love vibe.
But then, one day, this instructor happened to be the only one available at the time that was most convenient for me. I decided in that moment that I wanted to go to a Lagree class so much that I was willing to go even if she was the coach.
And the unexpected happened: It turned out to be the best class that I had taken since joining the studio a few months earlier. Now, not only do I frequent her class often, but she has also become one of my favorite coaches, and she is one of the coaches I recommend the most to others. I will intentionally arrange my schedule so that it aligns with her classes.
So, what the heck happened?
Well, I realized where the tough love comes from: This instructor really cares. During one class, she said that she was there to be our cheerleader, and it gave me so much more understanding and appreciation for her style. Her corrections and callouts come from a place of wanting each person in her class to be the best that they can be. Her mentality is that you came all this way and fought through every mental barrier to be here, and so I'm not going to let you give up now. I'm not going to let you take the easy way out. I'm going to challenge you so that you can leave this class proud of yourself, knowing all that you're capable of.
I'm sure we all know a leader like this instructor: someone who congratulates you when you're doing a great job but who also tells you when you're not and what you can do better. It’s the kind of leader that I strive to be (and am still learning to be!). When you have a leader like that, the praise means even more, and you really trust that person because you know that they're willing to be honest with you. That's how leadership works: We trust leaders more who operate in that way. At first, we might not enjoy the tough love or the honesty. We might not enjoy being told that there are areas where we could be better. But when we start to see the change and growth in ourselves, we start to appreciate and value it.
When I think about my growth in my Lagree classes, there is no doubt in my mind that this instructor has had the greatest positive impact on my strength and my form. When I'm in her class, I push myself more. I want to give more. I want to go that extra mile. I find that I'm capable of so much more than I thought I was. And now, I feel that my body is the strongest it’s ever been.
If you’re working with a leader who favors the tough-love approach, I encourage you to look at the situation with gratitude. You have a leader who cares about you enough to invest so much in your success and growth—what a gift!
On the flip side, if you’re a leader who shies away from feedback or tough love, remember that the kind of leadership that impacts people the most is the kind that strikes a balance between praise and growth feedback. When you’re honest about where someone can improve, you can inspire them to reach what you know that they're capable of. And that approach can make the biggest positive difference in someone's life.
I hope this helps you appreciate the tough love in your life!
Big hugs,
