I’m challenging myself to be kind out loud
Have you ever had a kind thought about someone but kept it to yourself instead of saying it out loud?
I’m so guilty of this.
For example, let’s say I get in an elevator and I’m all alone. When the elevator makes a stop on the way down, someone else enters, and I notice how nice their perfume smells. But I keep that thought to myself.
Or let’s say I’m standing in line in a coffee shop. The person in front of me is joyfully bobbing their head to the music that’s playing, and it makes me smile. I think to myself, “They have such good, positive energy.” But instead of tapping them on the shoulder and offering my compliment, I keep it to myself.
It’s not just strangers, though. I’ve noticed that sometimes, I withhold compliments from the people I interact with often. Maybe someone articulates their thoughts really well in a session I’m leading and I notice that it’s one of their strengths, but I don’t say anything to them about it. Or I really look forward to meeting with a certain client because I think they’re hilarious, but I haven’t told them how funny I think they are. Even with close friends and family, I sometimes fail to say the nice thing I’m thinking about them out loud. For example, when I notice how kind and patient my husband is with our daughter, I don’t always stop to tell him that.
Why do I keep these thoughts to myself? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot recently.
When it comes to complimenting strangers, I think I hold back because I feel awkward. I don’t know them. They don’t know me. I don’t know how they feel about compliments or how they would receive one from me. If there are other people around, that can make it feel even more awkward.
I often compliment and share my appreciation for people I know well, but when I don’t, I think it’s because I’m not being intentional. It takes intention to have a kind thought and actually communicate that thought out loud. The days I don’t do this are usually the days I have a lot on my mind or a lot to get done, and I’m not operating as purposefully as I’d like in my relationships.
I want to change this about myself.
When strangers or people I know and care about give me compliments, it totally changes my day. To think that someone went out of their way to express a thought to me that they didn’t have to . . . it means everything. If I’m feeling down or stressed, that one interaction can turn my whole mood around.
I think about what it means to have a purpose in your life: to become a person and leader you are proud of and to have the kind of impact and legacy that you want to have. The more I grow, the more simple I realize your purpose in life can be. For me, it’s about love: showing up in the world with kindness and compassion and helping the people around me feel loved and seen. Can purpose really be that simple? I think it can.
And so, I’ve made a promise to myself: Whenever I think something positive about someone else, no matter if I know them or not, I’m going to say it.
I’ve been doing it for over a month now, and it’s been super meaningful.
In the airport the other day, I told someone that I love their style.
In an Uber, I told my driver that I loved his calm jazz music and that it made a difference for me because I’d had a very chaotic morning.
I told a client that her proactive communication is unlike any I’ve experienced in my 15+ years of doing speaking events.
I told my sister that I admire her mindset and the way she is able to look at things.
All of these compliments were genuine. I felt them in my heart, so I expressed them. Every time I give a genuine compliment, I notice the positive shift in the other person’s energy: the smiles, the heartfelt thank yous, the extra pep in their step. And then that makes me feel good, which is just a bonus. And if there are other people around? Sometimes, I notice that my compliments to others put smiles on their faces. It’s really a win-win all around.
But if there is one thing I hope you know about me, it’s that I am far from perfect. There have been times when I have not followed through on this promise I have made to myself.
There’s a time I still think about:
Back in February, I was at the gym training for my 10K. I was on a treadmill, attempting to finish one of the longer runs on my training plan, and I was feeling defeated. I still had two miles to go, but I really wanted to give up.
Right at that moment, an older woman I’ve seen at this gym dozens of times before walked in. I would guess that she’s a little older than my parents, and every time I see her, I think about how I hope to be like her when I’m her age. I hope I continue to prioritize movement and have the strength that she does—it’s so inspiring.
So there I am, struggling to run these last two miles, and this woman I admire gets on a treadmill just a few spaces down from me. And that was all it took. Watching her get on that treadmill and start inspired me to keep pushing myself. She was the reason I finished my run that day.
When I finished my run, I wanted to go over and tell her that, but I completely chickened out. She had headphones on, I was super sweaty, and I didn’t want to bother her or startle her, so I left without saying anything. I regret it so much!
So, I’m saying here and now—with you as my witness—that I am committing to talking to this woman the next time I see her (and I know I will because she’s at the gym a lot). I’m going to go up to her and tell her what I just told you: I wanted to tell her, but I didn’t, so I’m telling her now. And I can’t wait for that moment.
I know that I’m only human. There will be moments when I get this right and really live the vision I have for myself, and there will be moments when I don’t. And in the moments I don’t, I will learn from them and remind myself of the person I really want to be.
I’m curious about you: Do you find that you struggle with what I’ve described here? Do you compliment strangers? Do you regularly express kind thoughts when you have them about the people in your life? Hit reply and tell me what this post is bringing up for you!
I can’t wait to read your responses. And just a heads up: Our team is on Break Week next week! That means we are taking a week off of the blog.
I’ll see you back here on 4/15!
Big hugs,
