7 tips for advocating for yourself at work
My first-grade neighbor recently reminded me of the power of advocating for your worth.
A couple of weeks ago, I was on a walk when she flagged me down and told me she was having a sale. I walked over and saw this piece of art—with a $20 price tag.
Let the record show that I wanted to give her $20 for it, but Spiros (my husband) talked me down to a much more reasonable $5. When I returned to offer her the $5, she lovingly told me the price was $20 and sold me a rock instead. (Ha!)
A week went by, and she still hadn’t sold the picture, so her mom and I worked out a way to surprise her with $20 for it. When I gave her the money, her joy and pride was indescribable. She immediately grabbed her piggy bank, counted all of her money, and wrote down all of the things she wanted to buy, with a makeup kit at the top of the list.
Isn’t it amazing how unapologetic she was about the price of her piece of art? How she knew her worth and believed in it? How she lovingly didn’t accept the $5 because it wasn’t what she asked for?
It made me think about how some of us lose that confidence as we grow up. Money turns into a weird thing, especially when we start to associate it with our value at work. We may start to doubt ourselves and feel uncomfortable standing up for what we want.
I know it’s certainly happened for me. There have been plenty of times when I have charged less for a service I offer even though I felt I deserved more, or when I haven't had the courage to push back or advocate for myself, feeling unsure of how to express my value. These feelings have led to increased empathy in me as a leader and employer, and they have helped me realize that others may feel similarly and hold back for the same reasons I sometimes do.
I counsel people often who want more compensation at work but aren’t sure how to broach the subject with their employer. In fact, some of these people have already had the conversation, but it didn’t lead to the desired outcome . . . so now what? And it’s not always about the compensation itself. Sometimes people feel good about their pay but want to move into a different role or take on more responsibility. The bottom line: How do you advocate for what you want at work?
I thought it might be helpful to share with you what I’ve shared with others in this position. While I certainly don’t have all the answers, I do have the perspective of being both a person who charges for my time and an employer who has sat on the other side of the conversation when people have asked for more.
Here are seven things to consider when advocating for yourself at work:
Check your mindset: I’ve written a lot about personal narratives and limiting beliefs, which are essentially stories that limit us and hold us back from reaching our potential. For example, one of the narratives that I’ve had to work on is, “It’s my job to keep people happy.” It comes from my early life and is so ingrained in me that sometimes I don’t even realize it’s popping up. The impact is that it causes me to compromise what I want and not to speak up about my own needs because I associate that with making people unhappy. The more I’ve been able to work through and reframe this narrative, the more I’ve been able to advocate for myself. There can be all kinds of other narratives that unintentionally affect our ability to stand up for ourselves, such as, “I’m not good enough,” and, “I don’t deserve success.” I believe it’s important to pinpoint how we might be getting in our own way before we start the conversation with others. (If you are interested in learning more about the narratives that may be holding you back and how to reframe them, download our resource here or join us for our next Human Leadership Program on November 2nd & 3rd!)
Bring feelings and facts: When it comes to asking for more, I believe feelings and facts are both important. First, I think it’s important to be honest about how you feel and put it all out on the table, especially if you have had this conversation before without success or if you have built a lot of trust with your leader. Do you not feel valued at work? Are you questioning if this is the place you want to be? Are you considering looking for other jobs? Do you feel torn because you love your job and the people you work with, but you also want to grow? Are these feelings affecting you outside of work? How? Whatever your feelings may be, own them and do your best to express them. Remember that the person on the other side is not a mindreader. As a leader, it’s only when people have been completely honest with me that I’ve truly understood and been able to have a meaningful conversation as a result. And second, it’s helpful to bring facts into the conversation. If you are asking for increased compensation, what is the market rate for a similar job? Do you have other friends who do what you do? How much are they earning? How long have you been with the company? What is the organization currently paying a new hire? When was your last raise? What is the cost of replacing someone with your knowledge and experience? Money can be an emotional topic. It can help to have facts to go along with your feelings and show how they are connected.
Work together: Unless your employer has given you a reason to think differently (more on that later), remember that you are on the same team. I have always appreciated when people on my own team have come into conversations like this wanting to work together to find a solution. Sometimes it might take time to get to the place you want to be. It might not be an issue of agreeing with you or recognizing your value; it might strictly be an issue of limited resources. I have always appreciated when someone comes in with the desire to work together to create a plan and timeline. And in the spirit of working together, I think it’s important for the leader in that conversation to be radically transparent. For example, if I can’t give the person what they want, I owe it to them to tell them that and to explain why. As a result, our relationship from that point on might look a bit different. It might look like me helping this person find the next step in their career with a different organization. Resist the urge to give immediate ultimatums, especially if this is the first time you are having the conversation. Try to consider how you might feel if you were in that person’s position and approach it with a team mentality.
Identify milestones: Sometimes timing and resources can get in the way of us getting what we want. If you find yourself in this situation but you want to continue working with your employer despite that, work with your leader to identify the milestones that will give you clarity about what it will take to reach your goal. What needs to happen in order to achieve your desired outcome? Do you need to reach certain metrics to make it possible? Do you need more training? Is it better to revisit the conversation during a different time of year? When are you meeting again to discuss the progress? What date? Without having these milestones and checkpoints, it’s very possible to feel disconnected and like you aren’t moving toward what you want. I believe you deserve to know these milestones, and if your employer/leader can’t give them to you, at minimum, ask for checkpoints and schedule follow-up conversations.
Create a win-win situation: If the organization doesn’t have the resources to increase your compensation and you want to stay, could you consider a different way to reach your goal? Could a part of your compensation growth be based on your results? Maybe you can present an option where you earn a percentage of the growth. For example, in our company, we do a profit-sharing model. Everyone is paid a base compensation, and each person’s compensation grows as we achieve different revenue levels. When the company wins, our people win. For smaller companies like ours, this can be a safer way to approach compensation growth from an organizational standpoint, especially in cases where the organization is in a delicate cash position and can’t yet guarantee the sustainability of increased wages. But in order for this to work well, it’s important to be able to quantify your role. What is the financial impact of what you do? Does your role contribute to revenue? Do you save people time? Do you make processes more efficient? How can you measure growth and then use that growth to financially fuel your compensation increase?
Identify your allies: It’s important to know who your allies are. Who can stand up for you and what you want? Who can be your thought partner in this conversation and help you prepare? Who might even be able to have that conversation with you and your leader? Who can give you tough love about the things you might need to think through a bit more? Who can give recognition and endorsements on your behalf? I have found that my team has helped me grow so much in being able to advocate for myself. When I am tempted to sell myself short, I run my internal dialogue by them. They challenge me and they remind me of the value I bring to the table, and they encourage me to stand up for myself. At times, they have talked to clients on my behalf when I needed extra support. And may this be a reminder for all of us: We each can and should be allies for the people around us—especially those who are marginalized and looked over for opportunities that they absolutely deserve. Learn about the challenges that the people have around you and how you can best advocate for and support them.
Set a boundary: I wish that every employer in the world would be open to these types of conversations. I wish every employer would create feelings of trust and psychological safety in order to have an open dialogue about important topics and seek to understand what people want and need to feel valued. I wish every employer would be willing to adjust and make changes in order to give their people what they ask for and deserve. And in cases where that isn’t possible, I wish that employers would be honest about the reasons why so that the person can make the best decision for themselves. The sad truth is that not every employer is this way. And while this shouldn’t be the solution, and it isn’t fair that this might be the only solution, sometimes, the best thing you can do is walk away. You deserve to feel valued. If you have tried to have this conversation, if you have put it all out on the table, and if you are still not feeling heard or valued by your employer, it might be time to look for your next opportunity. Like in the story with my first-grade neighbor, set a boundary, hold firm, and put what you want first.
There we have it. Who would have thought that a whole post could be inspired by a 6-year-old neighbor’s sidewalk sale?
If you are doubting yourself, I hope this post reminds you of your worth and gives you some tangible next steps to take in advocating for you. And if you are the leader of a team or organization, remember to start this conversation with those you work alongside. Don’t wait until they come to you. It really is so important.
And if you need a little extra encouragement? We’ve got just the thing! My team and I have a brand-new resource all about advocating for yourself. It’s a workbook that includes the tips and questions I posed above and SO much more. You can download it here. We hope it helps!
Big hugs,
