33 things I've learned about change
© Pete Longworth
In celebration of turning 33 this week, I’m following my birthday tradition of sharing my lessons learned. Except this time, instead of sharing general life lessons, I thought I’d share 33 things I’ve learned about change, given that I’m going through the biggest change I’ve ever experienced in my life right now!
Here we go!
1. When you feel your heart tugging at you, listen to what it’s trying to say.
2. Some people will not understand why you are choosing to make a change, and that’s okay. It’s not their life. It’s yours.
3. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when making a big change. One day you might feel convinced that you made the right choice, and the very next day, you might wonder if you made the wrong one. Allow yourself to explore your feelings and take them as they come. All feelings are allowed.
4. Sometimes it isn’t the change itself that we fear; it’s how we might have to change along with it.
5. When you are facing periods of growth that will challenge you and change you, it’s extra important to rest. You may feel the urge to work tirelessly toward your next chapter, but rest is key to strength.
6. At any time, we can choose to reset. It doesn’t take a new year or a new month or a new week. At any time, we can wake up and decide that today is going to be different.
7. It’s hardest to make a change when you are comfortable. Knowing that leaving the status quo will hurt more than staying with it is a dangerous place to be. I read this line in my friend Nathan Collier’s blog, and I’ve never forgotten it: “The comfort zone is nothing else but a graveyard for your dreams. Step so far outside your comfort zone that you forget how to get back.”
8. Read When Things Fall Apart, and on difficult days, read it again.
9. In times of change, it’s important to communicate what we know and what we don’t know. The things that we don’t know often keep us from communicating because we feel like we need to have more figured out in order to have something to say. I love being able to have a meeting with our team and say, “Here’s what I know this week, and here’s the stuff I am still trying to figure out.” It’s freeing and it’s human.
10. When facing a new chapter, we may want so badly to have a roadmap that tells us exactly what to do and where to go. But if we had that, we would miss the part that helps us grow the most: figuring it out one step at a time. The best part is the journey.
11. Sometimes the direction you want to go in feels easy. Almost too easy. You start to ask, can this really be right? Is it supposed to feel this good? When it feels that way, it’s a sign you are living in your natural strengths and superpowers. It doesn’t mean it won’t be hard, but you feel less resistance because it’s right.
12. If you are struggling with a choice you know you need to make, ask yourself this question: What will you do with this one life that you’ve been given? A mentor asked me this question last year, and it was the tipping point for me. It was sobering. I couldn't deny that I knew our team and I were meant for more.
13. When considering a change, it’s okay to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself to get clear on them before you share them with others.
14. Making tough decisions can be painful, but nothing is more painful than staying in a place that you know isn’t meant for you.
15. During change, it’s helpful to have a thought partner: Someone you can share ideas with and talk openly with, who can help you make sense of what you feel and why.
16. When you feel fear, remember this quote from When Things Fall Apart: “So the next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where the courage comes in. Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear. When I was first married, my husband said I was one of the bravest people he knew. When I asked him why, he said because I was a complete coward but went ahead and did things anyhow.” AKA: Do it scared.
17. Knowing that you need to make a change doesn’t mean you have to make it right away. Sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing. Be willing to explore what your heart and mind are revealing to you and allow things to unfold. One day, you will wake up with clarity and conviction, and you’ll know what you need to do.
18. When you feel overwhelmed, instead of thinking about all the steps, try to think about your one next step. Don’t think about the next one until you finish that one.
19. As Ryan Holiday says, the obstacle is the way. What is blocking you? What is keeping you up at night? It’s telling you something.
20. A really impactful question to ask yourself and your team that may help reveal the changes you need to make: How passionate are we about this on a scale of 1-10? The sweet spot is where passion and impact align. Without passion, it’s hard to have the kind of impact we hope to have.
21. Empathy is key when navigating change as a team. We all process emotions differently, and we all experience those emotions at different times. There’s no right or wrong way to feel and no right or wrong time to feel. Empathy for your team sounds like: I hear you, I see you, and it’s okay that you feel the way you do.
22. Expect failure. It will happen. It should happen. What would you learn if everything went right all the time?
23. When facing change as a team, it’s important to lean into everyone’s biggest strengths. What is each person’s area of expertise? Where should they focus their energy? Empower each person to identify their own area of mastery.
24. Change isn’t something we should feel we have to do behind closed doors. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of. We are allowed to be proud and public about the changes we are making as we are making them.
25. Be intentional about how you share a big change. Start with the people who will be most impacted by the change: The sooner you tell them, the better.
26. If you’re making a change because it’s what you feel in your heart that you need to do, that’s the only reason you need. You may feel like you should justify your decision by making a more logical case for it, but in doing so, you may cloud the truth. I believe you won’t be at peace with the change unless you speak your truth.
27. Sometimes you have to wait until the pain of where you are is so huge that staying there is no longer an option.
28. Endings are normal. Endings are necessary. The more we encourage ourselves and our teams to prune our rose bushes and confront the things that need to end, the more we normalize them, and the safer we will feel making decisions like these.
29. I don’t believe we will ever wake up and say “I’m here. I did it. This is where I want to be forever.” I think that every so often, we have to reinvent ourselves and our organizations. We get to evolve as our lives evolve. We don’t have to decide now who and where we want to be forever. How freeing is that?
30. Sometimes, to make a change, you need different perspectives. Talk to people you don’t normally talk to. Read books you don’t normally read. Look for lessons in places you normally wouldn’t. Expand your mind, and you’ll expand the possibilities.
31. Making a big change can feel like losing control—until you realize you never really had control in the first place. Do we ever?
32. Sometimes change means moving on from people you love and care about. But if your heart isn’t with them, it isn’t fair to hold on. In the end, you are hurting them, and you are hurting yourself.
33. You are exactly where you need to be.
Here’s to another year of learning, growing, and changing. Can’t wait to see what year 33 has in store!
Hugs through the screen,
Kristen
PS: Join us for our LIVE show this Wednesday (and every Wednesday!) at 11 a.m. ET, where our leadership team and I get REAL. We share everything from news and stories from behind-the-scenes of our pivot to what we’re learning, what we’re struggling with as leaders, and how we’re meeting this unprecedented moment in our history as a company. You can register here: https://bit.ly/3kWe2kT. It’s the same link each week. Hope to see you there!
