Why investing time in relationship building as a team is so critical
On our team, we are so invested in our relationships that we evaluate them every quarter.
I know . . . that sounds so “clinical.” Relationships are about feelings and emotions. They aren’t something we typically think about evaluating in black and white. But I believe there are huge benefits to doing so: The stronger our relationships are, the more trust we have, and the stronger our team’s foundation.
Our “relationship evaluation” process is quite simple: Once a quarter, during our review, we ask every person to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how well our team is prioritizing our relationships and how connected we feel as a team. Then, we take the average of the scores and have a conversation about it. Over time, we can look at these scores to see if they go up, go down, or stay the same, and it helps us understand what’s working and what’s not when it comes to our relationships.
We’ve been doing this for several years now, and one of the most important things we’ve learned from tracking our relationship score is how much our workload can affect it. During super busy times, for example, our relationship score can suffer: We get so caught up in our work that we unintentionally stop focusing on our personal connections. This happened during the pandemic (understandably). I remember that when we did our quarterly assessments in 2020, our relationship score went from our typical 9 or 10 average to a 7 or 8, which was very low for us. It signified that something had changed, and we wanted to get to the root of it. We identified that we were so busy figuring out how to survive as a business that all of our attention went there and not to each other. The things we usually do to prioritize our relationships, such as spending time catching up and talking to each other before meetings, went right out the window. Having this conversation gave us the chance to course-correct and be proactive about a solution. What would have happened if we never had that discussion? Our score could have dropped even lower, and it could have turned into an even bigger challenge.
We haven’t always tracked our relationship scores, though. When I think back to the earlier days in my journey, I bet our scores would have looked a lot different than they do now. I didn’t prioritize or think about relationships in the same way that I do today. I can remember when I would feel overwhelmed as a leader, the first thing I would do was cut down on my time with the team. I would cancel one-on-ones or shorten a team meeting by half or just get straight into the agenda without creating space for us to connect personally. My rationale was that my team, more than anyone else, would understand how busy I was.
What I didn’t realize was that I was hurting my team. And because we weren’t tracking our relationship scores, I didn’t get feedback about it until it was a much bigger issue. I remember one time I got feedback that when I cancel meetings or don’t create the space to personally connect in meetings, it sends a message that the team isn’t a priority to me. The team had felt this way for a while, but they knew I was busy and didn’t want to put pressure on me. Of course, it was never my intention to make them feel that way, and I felt terrible that I did. I immediately made changes. But I wished I had known sooner. Now, with our regular evaluations, these kinds of issues don’t build up like they used to.
I also see this happen with teams I work with: Things get really busy, and all of a sudden, all the work I’ve done with them to help them build relationships comes to a screeching halt. They stop taking time to do check-ins, they stop trying to build connection, and they focus only on work. They don’t mean to hurt each other; they’re just busy, and they’re doing what they gotta do to keep up.
I think this happens because there's a misconception that prioritizing relationships and connection means we can't focus on results. That time spent socializing and catching up is time wasted. I believe we don’t have to choose one over the other: It’s possible to prioritize strong relationships and produce results at the same time. In fact, focusing on relationships will give us an advantage. The closer our relationships, the more we can collaborate and achieve together. The opposite is true, too: The less connected we feel, the less valued and supported we feel, and the less we will accomplish together.
So how do we actually prioritize time with our team while achieving results? I have four ideas to share:
Be intentional about time for connection. No matter when, where, or how you do it, make time for connection regularly. It could look like chatting for the first five minutes of a meeting. If you’re in person, it could look like a social outing after work. If you’re remote, it could look like a video call where you share about what’s going on in your lives. (If you need a little help, check out our Team Time resource for some ideas for topics!) It doesn’t have to be super structured or even all that long; what’s most important is that you connect as people instead of coworkers. There’s not a perfect setting or even a perfect cadence for these kinds of meetups, and you might need to do a little trial-and-error to find what works for your team. As long as you’re consistent and intentional about it, it’s up to you how you create the space for people to build relationships.
Connect daily. Even during short meetings where we don't have a lot of time, we can still build in time for connection. The 1-10 check-in is a great tool for this. If you’re unfamiliar, here’s how it works: You ask each person in the meeting to rate on a scale of 1-10 how they’re doing at work and outside of work. Depending on how much time you have, you can let people give reasons for their scores. This even works in virtual meetings with tons of people: You can ask people to share their scores and reasons in the chat. You could also break people into smaller groups of three or four to check in with each other. The message this sends is: We care about everyone here. We want you to connect on a human level before we talk about the work that we're here to discuss.
Make meetings valuable. Meetings are the best opportunities we have for building connection and achieving results. But if we don't feel that a meeting is valuable, we may just skip or cancel it. That’s why I think it’s important to figure out how to make your meetings more effective so that no one wants to miss them. That’s how we feel now about our weekly team huddle, but it wasn’t always that way. Once, we got to this point where I felt like the agenda wasn't impactful or effective. So when I was busy or we were overwhelmed as a team with something, I would immediately just cancel it. But now I understand that I wasn’t just taking away a meeting; I was removing an opportunity for the team to connect. That experience taught me that I need to speak up when something doesn't feel effective. Once we talked about it and figured out an agenda that would make our weekly meetings really effective, I developed the opposite mentality. Now, I never want to skip or cancel our huddle if I can help it.
Create a social contract. Committing to prioritizing relationships isn’t just one person’s job. It takes everyone’s buy-in. Something that can help is what I call a “social contract”: Basically, a list of shared expectations around relationship-building. It can really help to get everyone on the same page. Examples of questions to consider when deciding on a “contract”: Do we want to commit to connecting personally before we talk about business in meetings? Do we want to commit to getting together with someone from the team once a month for coffee? Do we want to commit to having an open conversation every quarter about how well we’re doing as a team with relationship building?
One last thought I want to leave you with: As we continue to navigate uncertain times, challenges, and busy seasons, it might feel like you could save time and energy by skipping meetings with your team or taking connection time out of an agenda. But I want you to remember that at the end of the day, the most important thing you've got are the relationships you have. When you make them a priority, you build trust, make people feel valued and supported, and achieve more together.
Big hugs,
