The reward of change
In Florida in early 2020, changing and growing, exploring the tough questions
I’ve been in Florida for the last two weeks, and in that time, I’ve had a significant realization: I’m happy.
Up to this point, my trips to Florida had always come with complicated emotions. On the one hand, I loved visiting family, our team, friends, and spending time in the community that has had such a big impact on me. But on the other, my visits caused me to face the question I had been avoiding for years: What would I do with Student Maid, the business I had lost passion for?
Florida or not, the question of what to do with Student Maid went with me everywhere. I thought about it when I woke up, when I went to bed, and in every moment in between. It was an overwhelming dilemma, one I wanted to escape from and pretend I didn’t have to figure out, and when I was far away from Florida, it was a lot easier to do that. But there was something about being in the place where it all began that magnified the question and made it a lot harder to ignore. Sleeping in the home where I worked on the business in all those early years . . . visiting our office . . . eating at my favorite sushi restaurant, which also happens to be where we hosted dozens of Student Maid events . . . seeing the people and the places that hold so many memories. . . . It was all a reminder that I hadn’t yet figured out something that was slowly eating me up inside.
When I reflect back, my trips to Florida always felt lonely and came with a tinge of sadness. I didn’t know how to let people into what I was feeling and experiencing. It all felt so complex. I didn’t want to hurt our people. I didn’t want to walk away from the business. And at the same time, my heart was hurting more with each day. I knew that I was being called somewhere else. I knew that my passion was in leadership development, not cleaning, and that I wanted to put 100% of my focus there. And I knew that wasn’t only true for me . . . I knew that our leadership team wanted to focus there, too. But the thought of pivoting an organization that had been around for a decade felt too big and too much. The fear of what others might think about such a change and what it might mean for my future and the future of our company kept me utterly frozen.
Have you ever had or do you have anything in your life that makes you feel this way? You know you need a different approach? You know that where you are isn’t where you want to continue to be? But maybe you have fear in exploring what that might look like? And perhaps, like me, you have decided to keep those feelings to yourself instead of talking about them? Because talking about them makes them real? And it means you have to actually do something about your tugging heart?
In my case, it took time, it took stillness, it took a willingness to share, and it took the help of others to finally address what I felt inside. Had the pandemic not kept me in Florida for three months last March, I’m not sure that I would have given myself the space to ask the hard questions. The answers didn’t come to me quickly or easily by any means, but the more I was willing to sit with myself, in the house where it all began, the more clarity I gained. The more I shared my feelings aloud with those I trusted, the more I felt safe to continue sharing them, and the more accountable I felt to figuring them out.
This change, without question, was the hardest decision to make and has been the most difficult experience of my life so far. It was hard to announce our decision to pivot to our team and to the world. It was hard to sell the cleaning side of the business. It was scary to follow our hearts and go all-in on our leadership development company. It took almost two years to get from finally facing the question to where we are today, but what a difference that time has made. The gift of happiness on the other side has been worth every second of this adventure.
And that leads me to this . . .
Change is so hard. Real growth is extremely uncomfortable. And through my own journey of resisting it all, I’ve learned that it only becomes more painful when we look the other way. Not facing something is a choice, just like addressing something is. Both are hard. But the rewards are very different. One comes with continued pain. The other takes patience and comes with risk, but it can also come with happiness and peace. It comes with knowing, instead of wondering, “What if?”
What are you resisting? What if happiness is waiting on the other side?
Big hugs,
Kristen
PS: I hope you’ll join us for our LIVE on Wednesday, 12/8, at 11 a.m. ET! I’ll be interviewing one of the most inspiring female founders and CEOs I know, Dan’l Mackey Almy. Dan’l left a successful career to start her company nearly 20 years ago, and the rest is history. One of my favorite parts of her story is that when she started, she wasn’t a very good leader. (Sound like someone else you know? Cough cough, me!). We’ll be talking about her company’s approach to growth and culture and her journey of learning how to be a leader who builds trust through vulnerability and empowerment. You can register for free here: https://bit.ly/3kWe2kT
PPS: In the spirit of this blog post, what a great time it is for reflection. Our R&R Virtual Retreat is happening THIS WEEK! Hope you’ll join us on Dec 9th. Take some time to step away from the day-to-day, reflect on your growth in 2021, and set clear intentions for 2022. Tickets are $149, and you can secure yours here!
