The mindset that actually makes Mondays easier
Hi friends!
The team and I are back from Break Week, and I’ve missed you! I’m feeling so refreshed, and today, I’ve got a timely topic to share. It starts with a day I had a few weeks ago . . .
Picture this with me:
It's Friday, and I’ve had a long week of in-person events and travel. I’m feeling fulfilled and satisfied, but I’m also mentally wiped.
I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me before I can log off for the weekend—or so I’ve told myself.
You see, everything left on my list is related to my team. Because I’ve been with clients and traveling all week, I haven’t been able to get back to them with feedback, edits, updates, etc. This is intentional: When I’m with clients, I commit to being fully present with them, so I’m not checking my email or communicating with my team like I normally would. My team is aware that I do this and are very supportive, but it means that they sometimes have to wait for me before they can take next steps on projects we’re working on together.
Any time the team is waiting on me, I feel so guilty. But that guilt comes only from me, not from them; they never make me feel like I’m holding them back. Still, I never want them to feel that way or that they aren’t a priority to me.
On this particular Friday, I’m not sure I have it in me to finish everything I owe my team. I am mentally exhausted, and tackling the list in front of me feels daunting.
I’m telling myself that what I should do is get all this work done before the weekend. My reasons for doing so are very compelling: It would make Monday easier. It would allow me to rest and not think about the tasks hanging over me all weekend. It would help my team feel supported because they would have what they need to take the next steps and start the week strong.
Have you ever found yourself in this cycle of thinking? “Shoulding” yourself to get something done today so that tomorrow (or Monday) is easier?
That’s what I was doing. And the “shoulding” was magnified for me because I was thinking about what I “should” do for my team.
I had a quick blow dry appointment at the hair salon that afternoon, so I promised myself that I would work until I had to leave for the appointment and get as much done as I could. And then, afterward, I would see how I felt. If I felt up to it, I would keep working and do the best I could until I had to meet my husband for dinner later that evening.
But then . . .
While I was working, my husband, Spiros, called. He asked if I wanted to join him before dinner for happy hour with some of his colleagues. It was a rare call to get: Spiros and his team are surgeons, so they are always operating. Any time they are able to get together outside the hospital, I love to join them because it doesn't happen often.
I told him I would have to see how my day played out, and I’d let him know. After I hung up, I found myself looking out the window, noticing how nice it was: 70 degrees and beautifully sunny in Houston. I thought to myself, A perfect afternoon for happy hour.
But still, I was really torn.
Here was a readymade excuse to put off the rest of my to-dos until Monday. But then, what would Monday be like? Would I be stressed because I would have all of this work on top of the work that I normally have to do on Mondays? Would it keep me from being able to relax this weekend? Would I let my team down? Friday Kristen wanted to shut it all down for the day and go to happy hour, but I was worried about Monday Kristen. I didn’t want to make her life harder than necessary.
I decided I’d go to my hair appointment and then reevaluate. Either I’d go back home and keep working until dinner, or I’d ditch my list and go to happy hour.
(I can practically hear you saying, “Kristen! Just go to happy hour!” It’s painfully obvious what I should have done as I am writing this, but it’s not always as obvious when you’re living it.)
On my way to my hair appointment, I decided to touch base with Monique, who is my right hand and thought partner in the business. We stay in touch about work priorities, and several of the things I needed to get done were for her.
I gave her a heads up that I was working on what she needed from me, but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get her everything before Monday. I told her about the potential happy hour and that I was planning to follow my energy.
I was expecting her to respond with something along the lines of, “Sounds good! Keep me posted,” but she didn’t.
Instead, she said something that made my Friday dreams come true: “Please don’t send me anything today. I really hope that you go to happy hour and enjoy the beautiful day outside. Honestly, I don't want you to send me anything because that means the work will be on my plate going into the weekend, and I don’t want that!”
I had to laugh. Here I was, putting all this pressure on myself to get this work done so my team wasn’t waiting on me and so that they would feel supported, when in reality, they weren’t waiting on me at all.
In her message, Monique helped me see that the best thing I could do for her and for me was to call it a day. So I did. After my hair appointment, I went to happy hour, and I stayed completely unplugged from work the entire weekend. It turned out to be one of the best weekends I’ve had in a while—I really needed it to recharge.
And then, Monday came. Even though I had more work than usual on my plate, I got so much done because I felt so refreshed. I delivered everything I owed my team, and I did it from a much better headspace.
This whole situation really made me think. Why was I determined to push myself so hard when, in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t really matter? Whether the work got done on Friday or Monday, it was still going to get done. I wasn’t trying to meet a strict deadline; I was just helping my team. Why did it take Monique telling me that she didn’t want me to do anymore work for me to stop and rest?
The answer probably lies somewhere in the limiting beliefs I have.
First, I want to be helpful, and I want to come through for my team. Those are both great things to want—just not when they come at my own expense. What saved me from myself is my practice of communicating openly and honestly. Had I not talked to Monique, I don't think I could have moved through that mindset by myself. It was really helpful to know what she was expecting of me—and what she wasn’t. That helped me make the decision not to work the rest of the day.
And second, I think I have a belief that if I do something now it will make tomorrow easier or better. Or if I finish this today, then tomorrow, I can relax. But it’s a trap: The next day, there is always more work to be done. Am I really making the next day easier when I deprive myself of a break? That way of thinking makes rest seem like something I need to earn instead of something I deserve—and I do deserve it. And so do you.
How often do we do this to ourselves? How often do we push ourselves to get something done within a particular timeframe without stopping to consider whether it’s actually necessary to do so?
Obviously, it’s different when you’re up against a hard deadline. Sometimes, we have to push ourselves when we’re tired or just not feeling it because of time constraints. But on the days when you don’t have deadlines and you’re just “shoulding” yourself, ask yourself if it really matters whether this work gets done that day. Would it really be that big of a deal if you finished tomorrow morning? Or later in the week? Or Monday? If you can stop, rest, and return to your work later, you're probably going to come back to it feeling so much better—and you’ll be so much more effective.
And if you’re having trouble getting out of your own way, could you talk to the person you owe your deliverable to? Do they really need it by the end of the day? Will it mess them up if you don’t get it to them until the next day or next week? You will probably find what I discovered when I reached out to Monique: They can wait—and they might even appreciate the extra time.
We all deserve breaks. We deserve to go to happy hours in the sun. We deserve to spend time with our loved ones. We deserve to spend time doing nothing. We don’t need to do anything to earn it.
I'm curious: Do you ever deprive yourself of rest to make another day easier? Have you struggled with the same limiting beliefs that I have? The next time you find yourself in a situation like this, I hope you’ll ditch the list and give yourself that break.
Big hugs,
