THE COURAGE IT TAKES TO GROW
In my hotel room, right before I left for the welcome reception 🧡
A few weeks ago, I told you about a speakers’ retreat that I was really excited to attend.
It was a unique opportunity for me: I rarely get to spend time with other speakers, so I was really looking forward to that, and I was excited to invest in myself and grow.
And also?
I was absolutely terrified.
It had been a long time since I’d done something like this, but still, I was surprised at how nervous I was going into the experience.
It really hit me when I checked into the hotel. So many thoughts ran through my head: I was far away from home. I didn’t know anyone who was going to be there aside from the retreat host, who had invited me. I also signed up without seeing an agenda for our time together, so I was in the dark about the specifics. It was a true trust fall.
The first event of the retreat was a cocktail hour, which was also a welcome reception for retreat participants. Right before I left my hotel room, I had this moment where I thought, “I don’t have to do this. I could just fly home.”
In the middle of this thought spiral, I found some humor in it. Here I was, so nervous about going to an event centered on growth, and yet, I lead sessions that help people grow personally and professionally for a living. It was a reminder of what it feels like to be on the other side.
So what got me out of my hotel room and on the way to the reception instead of a flight back home?
I thought about the retreat that I hosted at my home in December. It was a retreat for a small group of people who are building speaking businesses. I realized that the participants of my retreat were in the very same position that I found myself in: They didn’t know anyone who would be at the retreat except for me. They had to travel far from home to attend. And while they had a high-level agenda, they didn’t really know what to expect.
And yet . . . every single one of them found the courage to show up at my house and ring my door bell.
In that moment in my hotel room, I felt for the first time how much courage it must have taken for them to do that. And I was so inspired by that. In fact, I got out my phone and sent them a text, telling them that the courage they displayed at our retreat in December was helping me leave my hotel room and head down to the cocktail hour.
The retreat turned out to be an enriching experience. And while I learned a lot from it, the most important thing I got out of it was unexpected: My biggest takeaway was a renewed perspective on how people might feel in the sessions that I lead them through.
It wasn’t just that moment of hesitation in my hotel room that reminded me how vulnerable it can feel to step into the unknown; it was the whole experience of the retreat. Every day, I had to summon the courage to show up, and I think I would have had a much harder time doing that if it weren’t for the outstanding job the facilitator did at creating psychological safety for us all.
It helped me think about the kind of environment that I want to create as a facilitator who often asks people to stretch beyond their comfort zones and grow courageously, and I want to share what I learned from her in case it helps you, too. Even if you aren’t a speaker, these might be methods you can bring into meetings or any space where you are bringing people together:
Take time to get grounded: She began each day in such a disarming way: She would sit in front of us, close her eyes, and say she was “looking for her coordinates.” She was allowing herself to get grounded and present. She took that time to ask us as a group how we were doing and feeling. She said that it helped her understand where to meet us in that particular session. I think something like this can be especially powerful when people are coming together to do or talk about something unknown. What would happen if we started off each of those interactions with a better understanding of how people are showing up that day? What if we gave them space to express how they’re thinking and feeling before we got down to business? It reminded me of the importance of easing into things instead of jumping right into the work.
Remove fear: Right from the beginning, she told us she would never call on us or put us on the spot; we would only share aloud if we wanted to. That surprised me because it’s not what most facilitators commit to, myself included. But when she said that, I took the biggest sigh of relief. I realized that the fear of potentially having to share was causing me anxiety. In saying that, she allowed me to take a deep breath, remove the fear, and be present. I’ve often thought that my role as a facilitator is to make sure that as many people as possible have the chance to share. But now, I feel differently. There’s a time and a place where that approach makes sense, and it’s not always necessary. I didn’t share much out loud at this retreat, and I still learned so much from what other people shared.
Tell people where you are going: Before starting each day, she walked us through exactly what the day would look like. She told us which parts would be harder than others. She told us what feelings we could expect. Knowing what our time was going to look like and how to prepare for it emotionally and mentally was really helpful to me. It reinforced the idea that an agenda isn’t just a formality; it can really help calm someone’s nerves by giving them a better idea of what to expect. I think back to when I was the kind of leader who never set an agenda for meetings. I thought it was more important to allow for flexibility and to go with the natural flow of conversation. I never considered that not having an agenda could cause anxiety. Now, making agendas is my norm as a facilitator and as a leader of a team.
I walked away from this retreat being reminded that it’s so important to put ourselves in the places that we’re asking others to go. It’s powerful to get that perspective because it’s so easy to forget when you do something every day. Now, I’m going into my speeches and sessions with a fresh reminder that while I’ve done this hundreds of times, it might be the first time that the other people in the room are experiencing it. My job first and foremost is to help them feel safe.
It takes so much courage to grow. I admire every single person who chooses to take themselves on and put themselves in situations that challenge them.
I’m curious: Have you ever been part of a session or meeting with a facilitator who made you feel really safe? What did they do that helped you feel that way? How do you create safe environments for others? I’d love to know more about your experience! Hit “reply” and tell me all about it.
Cheers
Big hugs,
