The 24-hour rule

Giving growth feedback is hard. I think we can all agree on that, right? 

There are all kinds of reasons we might avoid giving tough feedback. It might be because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, or maybe we don’t know exactly what to say or how to say it. In my experience, the closer we get to people, the harder it can be to give them feedback because we care about them, and we don’t want to jeopardize our relationship or the trust we’ve worked so hard to build. Caring so much about a person might even cause us not to give feedback at all, and we may talk ourselves into believing that someone’s behavior can change without us addressing it.

But rarely do things improve on their own. When we avoid giving feedback, all we’re doing is letting our frustration build and build and build until one day, we let it all out at once in the worst moment. (Speaking from experience here.) It’s those moments of frustration that really destroy trust. Imagine that you find out you’ve been doing something that’s been bothering another person for months, but you’re just now learning about it. That might make you question whether you can trust anything that person tells you. If they withheld something like that from you for so long, they could be holding back on other things, too.

If you’ve been following me along my leadership journey for a while, you know that I’ve struggled with giving feedback (there’s a whole chapter in my book about it!). But one thing that has really helped me grow in this area is committing to the 24-hour rule. The 24-hour rule means holding myself accountable to giving feedback within 24 hours of recognizing that I want to give it or of seeing behavior that I want to address. (To be clear: I don’t ever give my team feedback on weekends or holidays! If something feedback-worthy happens on a Friday, I always wait until the next workday to talk to my team about it.)

The 24-hour rule does two things: 1) It prevents me from letting things build up and helps me address frustrations more quickly. That usually leads to a much better conversation and outcome because if it’s fresh on my mind, it’s likely to be fresh on the other person’s mind. When you give feedback from months ago, you can’t rely on yourself to remember important details, and it’s hard for the other person to engage with you in that conversation. And 2) It builds trust because of consistency. When you commit to giving feedback within 24 hours, the reputation you will earn is that people will know where they stand with you. They won’t question whether you’re hiding something, and they probably won’t think that you’re thinking things about them without saying them. If we want to build trust in our relationships, consistency is a major way we can do that.

That being said, I rarely give feedback off the cuff. I take the 24 hours to think and reflect on it, and that helps me make sure that I’m intentional with my feedback. Sometimes, that reflection period helps me realize that I’m just having a bad day or that there’s something I need to own up to on my end.

Before I give feedback, I always ask myself where my feedback is coming from. If it’s coming from a place of anger, frustration, or emotion, I know it’s not the time to give feedback, and I may waive the 24-hour rule to give myself time to gain perspective. I always want to give feedback from a place of care, of love, of wanting to help the other person grow, and of wanting to build trust and connection. And if I ever break my 24-hour rule, I explain why.

If you struggle with feedback, the 24-hour rule could be a great challenge to give yourself. And it doesn’t just apply to work—it’s really helped me in my personal life, too. So, think about it: Is there someone in your life you want to give feedback to? What would happen if you gave yourself 24 hours to reflect on it and then gave it to them? 

I’m rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Kristen

​​P.S. Looking for a way to invest in yourself in 2022?! We’d love to invite you to join our monthly coaching group. We talk about feedback all the time! We hope you’ll join us. You can find all the deets here!

P.P.S. Have you heard about our R&R Retreat happening on July 20th from 11am-4pm ET? Join us on Zoom, get away from the day-to-day, reflect, and recenter! You can get your ticket here!