Resilience Resume
© Monique McHugh
I will never forget the day we hosted a company-wide development session to help our people better understand their relationship with setbacks and failure.
A team member in the front row who was probably 18 or 19 shared that growing up, whenever she got a grade lower than an A, she would have to write, “I will never get a B (or C or D) again,” three hundred times on a piece of paper.
My jaw dropped. How was that supposed to help her learn?
She wasn’t the only one who shared a story that shocked me. I quickly realized that many of our team members lacked healthy examples of how to navigate setbacks, so instead of looking at failure as something we can grow from, many feared it and avoided putting themselves in situations where they could potentially fail. As a result, we’ve been extremely intentional at Student Maid to teach our people how to be more resilient.
What is resilience? Why does it matter?
Resilience is the muscle that helps us get back up again when we fall down, that helps us find opportunity in adversity, that gives us the courage to take risks and try things we may not be “ready” for, and that reminds us there are better days coming when our current days don’t feel so great.
There’s no overnight trick to building resilience; it truly is a muscle that we have to strengthen over time. But I’ve learned there are things we can do to develop resilience on a regular basis:
Weekly reflection: At the end of every week, I like to think of three things that went well and three things that didn’t and what I learned from each of those experiences. Making it a weekly practice has helped me get in the habit of reflecting and looking for the lessons in great moments and not-so-great moments. I leave each week knowing what I want to carry with me into the week ahead and what I want to do differently.
Be mindful of how we respond: How do we respond when we are faced with a setback? Do we beat ourselves up and feel ashamed? Or do we give ourselves grace and a pep talk? When those we lead—or even our children—face a setback, how do we react? Do we encourage them to find the lesson and ask what they would do differently next time? Or do we react in a way that causes them to feel exactly how it feels to write, “I will not get another B” three hundred times on a piece of paper?
Share oops moments and screw-up stories: In our teams and at the dinner table, we have a tremendous opportunity to learn how to be open about our shortcomings. One of my favorite entrepreneurs who leads one of my favorite companies, Sara Blakely of Spanx, has a meeting where her team shares “oops moments” of the week. On my own team, we end meetings with screw-up stories and share what we learned from them. When I was a kid, we used to go around the dinner table and talk about the challenges we faced that day and what we learned from them. In all scenarios, the message we are sending is that setbacks are normal and therefore it’s normal—and encouraged—to talk about them.
Create a resilience resume: Out of all the exercises we do on our team, this is a hands-down favorite. It’s an exercise where you look at your past, identify your biggest failures and challenges, and pinpoint the gifts each gave you. It’s extremely helpful in a time like this because you can look back at your resume and be reminded that you’ve been through hard times before, and just like you got through those times, you will get through the one you’re experiencing now. You can make a resume for yourself individually or together as a team, an organization, or a family. If you want to create one, my team put together a guide to help you, using the same process we use at Student Maid. You can get it here. (It’s pay-what-you-can).
There’s a famous saying by Winston Churchill: “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” We are in a crisis. There’s a lot that might be going wrong. We very likely may be faced with obstacles and challenges that feel too daunting to face. May we remember that we are building resilience right now. One day, we will look back on this time and remember the gifts it gave us and the lessons it taught us. Not today, not tomorrow, but one day.
Until then, happy resilience-building!
