Reigniting the human connection
In a recent coaching group session, someone brought up that they were feeling very disconnected from the people they work with. They felt like they had lost human connection at work. Maybe you can relate: Everything we’ve been through as a nation, as a world, in the last few years has in some ways brought us together, but in so many others, it’s driven us further apart. In some cases, that divide is physical: Remote and hybrid work have created new obstacles to connection that many of us had never felt before. And the other divides that have long been there—social, cultural, political, and class differences, for example—have in so many ways become more magnified and polarizing.
We talked about how facing so many hard things at once—a pandemic, social and political unrest, the Great Resignation and a looming recession—has created this feeling of detachment from one another. It’s easy to forget that the people you interact with are whole human beings with emotions, experiences, and unique perspectives. Patience may seem to be shorter, and people may respond emotionally in ways that we aren’t used to. Perhaps it feels like you have to walk on eggshells a little bit.
As we wrapped up that coaching session, our discussion centered on how we can reconnect with the humanity in each other, especially now, as we go into the holidays and a new year. Shortly after that session, I was lucky enough to take part in a profound moment of human reconnection that I want to share with you.
It happened with a team I’ve been working with for three years. We started working together virtually during the pandemic, and now, we’ve been able to move to in-person sessions. This was going to be our last session, and I really wanted to do something special to end our work together.
I was supposed to lead them through a session about collaboration and how to work together more effectively. I knew it would be valuable and impactful for them, but it didn’t feel right for our last session. What I really wanted to do was an exercise that I’ve only ever done with my own team—and it scared me a little. It would cause people to be really vulnerable with each other, and I wasn’t sure if people would feel they had the capacity for something like that, especially after the conversation I’d had with the coaching group and how heavy the world has felt for so long.
But then, I decided to challenge myself and let them decide if they want to go there. I told the team we had two choices for how we could use our time together: We could move forward with the collaboration workshop as planned, or we could do something that I had never done outside my own team but had always wanted to. The idea is that you have some time to think about your life story, and then you have seven minutes to tell it to the group.
We took a vote. I told everyone in the room to close their eyes, and those who wanted option one—sticking with the original plan—should raise their hands. Then, I asked who wanted to do option two. To my surprise, the majority chose to go the new route and share their life stories with the room.
I gave everyone time to reflect, and then, we went one by one and had each person share. After just the first person shared, I could tell the team was starting to see each other differently. The people in the room were no longer just people they worked with, but human beings with hearts, lives, and unique experiences and challenges that have shaped them into who they are today.
One story in particular had a profound impact on me. This person’s story was so vulnerable that he had to pause between tears to collect his thoughts as he shared. But the room was with him: Each time he paused, they encouraged him to keep going.
He began by telling us about his childhood. He grew up in a small village in Nepal, and his family was very poor. He and his younger brother would often climb mango trees to get food. The kids went to a school where you could only be recognized for your grades if your parents contributed financially to the school. So, despite being at the top of his class, he was never recognized for his achievements because his family couldn’t afford to pay. Soon after he started elementary school, his dad came to the States to work and make money to send back to the family. They couldn’t afford a telephone, so the only way they could communicate with their dad was by writing letters. Sometimes, it would take up to three months to get a letter in return. He didn’t see his dad again until he was in high school, when his dad came back to Nepal to bring the family to the United States. When he got to the U.S., he worked several jobs to build a better life for himself and his family. Years later, he went back to Nepal to marry his high school sweetheart and bring her back to the States, which went against tradition. They got married anyway, and when they came back to settle in the U.S., he put her through nursing school, and then she put him through engineering school. Later, he helped his parents open a restaurant that serves traditional food from their village, and it's the only restaurant of its kind.
You could’ve heard a pin drop in that room. Everyone was so amazed by this person with all of this life experience that no one knew anything about. He mentioned that those on his team may have noticed that he is very positive and doesn’t make a big deal of things: When there are changes or challenges, he tends to see it as a glass half-full situation. His story explained why. He faced so many daunting challenges throughout his life that the challenges he faces today do not even compare.
As you may imagine, that seven-minute time limit went out the window pretty quickly. The team opted to continue sharing past our scheduled time together and ended up going for an extra hour and a half after I left for the airport.
I think this is a profound example of what can happen when we choose to recognize each other’s humanity. To see others as whole people with life experience and perspectives we know nothing about unless we ask. Think about it: How often do we take the time to really connect and see each other? Learning and understanding each other’s lives and experiences is something we’ve focused on a lot as a team. I think it makes our work more meaningful because we are so connected while we’re doing it.
There will always be challenges and hard things going on in our lives and in the world. We’re going to have to work really hard to keep that human connection alive. Could it be as simple as this? Could you ask someone you work with, “Tell me your story”? Could you create the space on your team for everyone to share their stories? Let’s remind each other of how powerful it is to connect and to bring that humanity into our work.
As we go into the holidays, I hope this gets you thinking about how to connect more deeply with the people in your life.
Big hugs,
