My last blog post as a single woman
© Pete Longworth
I can’t believe it: This is my last blog post as a single woman.
On Monday, Spiros and I will fly to Mexico, where we will spend the week with 70 of our closest family members and friends who feel like family as we become husband and wife.
With our wedding just inches away, I’ve been reflecting a lot on our relationship and the love between us.
Spiros and I have been together for nearly eight years. If you didn’t know, we met on a blind date. (Fun fact: That’s how my parents met, too.) Our friend Jonelle set us up, and from the moment we met, we were inseparable.
Prior to Spiros, I’d had real challenges in relationships. I think because I started Student Maid at such a young age, I had to grow up really fast. I couldn’t relate to the men my age. I would go on dates and I’d feel like I had to minimize my work and my aspirations for my career because so many of the men I dated hadn’t yet begun the journey to find their path in life. I felt like I couldn't be me, and I never felt seen, heard, or loved for who I really was.
And then I met Spiros.
Our date started out rocky. He picked me up in a 1994 Ford monster truck and the tires were taller than me.
He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt (he denies this, but I promise you, he was), and he awkwardly tried to help me into his truck without touching me. When we got to the sushi restaurant, he asked me for $5 to park, saying he didn’t have any cash on him. Then, when we got to our table, I happened to notice a baby girl on his phone. Thinking it was his niece or something, I commented on how cute she was. He then told me she was in fact his daughter, and I almost spit out my drink because it was so unexpected. I was 25. Dating a man with a child wasn’t what I saw for myself.
But somehow, some way, we began sharing about our lives, and the next time I looked down at my phone, three hours had passed. And then we went next door and danced for another three hours. And now . . . here we are, nearly eight years later. We never had “the talk.” He never asked me to be his girlfriend and I never asked him to be my boyfriend. We just . . . were.
Most of our early memories looked like meeting after work to make dinner or go out to dinner. We would talk for hours. One night, I said I would cook for him. I brought over the ingredients, put everything in the oven, and felt so proud of myself. I kept checking on the food and for some reason, it wasn’t getting hot. I thought maybe his oven just took a while to heat up. Turns out, I only had the oven lights on and not the oven itself. Spiros still makes fun of me to this day—especially the part where I was using oven mitts in an oven heated only by a tiny lightbulb. Here he is, grabbing the food from the cold oven. He asked me to take this picture so he could make fun of me forever.
We waited a year and a half before I met his daughter, Evie. He asked me if I wanted to meet her one night while we were at dinner with friends, and if I had any doubts about how serious he was about me, they were gone after that. I knew how much he loved his baby girl. I watched him travel from Florida to be with her in Michigan every other weekend. He never missed a visit.
The first time I met Evie, I was so nervous. She was barely 2 years old, but I was terrified. I knew this would be a defining moment in my relationship with Spiros. I knew that if the meet-and-greet didn’t go well, it might cause us to question our commitment to one another. I didn’t know how to be a mom. I didn’t know how to introduce myself to her and make a connection. I trusted that it would all work out the way it was supposed to, and I boarded a plane to Michigan to meet the first love of Spiros’ life.
I will never forget the intention that Spiros put behind our first meeting. Evie had a tea set, and it was her and Spiros’ thing: As soon as he walked in the door, they would have a tea party. He told Evie that this time, they’d need three teacups because they had a special guest joining them, and that’s how he introduced me to her. The three of us, having fake tea, in the living room. I fell in love with their love, even more in love with him, and my love quickly began growing for her.
After that, I started making the trip with him to Michigan every other week, being mindful to also give him alone time with Evie. Evie’s and my relationship blossomed with each visit, and there came a day when I couldn’t remember or imagine life without her in it.
And then, another defining moment: After two years of us dating, Spiros got an amazing opportunity to interview for a job in Houston, one that he couldn’t turn down. Spiros is a neurosurgeon, and this opportunity would not only allow him to build a great practice and teach residents, which was his passion, but it would also be an incredible chance for him to have a lab and do research. When he was interviewing for the position, it was really hard for me. I wanted it so badly for him because I knew it was the next step in his career, but at the same time, I didn’t want it because I knew that it would change our relationship. Right before the interview, he caught the norovirus (courtesy of Evie). I secretly hoped the illness might prevent him from making the flight to Houston to interview, but it didn’t. (I know, how selfish of me, but hey, I’m being honest.)
Of course they offered Spiros the job. Why wouldn’t they? He’s amazing. And that’s when I grew into the person I hoped I could become, and I encouraged him to take it.
He did, but we never really talked about “our” plan. We just hoped we would figure it out as we went along. Are you noticing a trend here?
The day before he moved, I remember secretly crying whenever he’d look away. I didn’t want him to see me as a mess. But then I couldn't hide it, and I fell apart in his arms. Pretty sure I felt some tear drops fall from his face, too. We went to sleep, and in the morning, I took this picture right before he left, marking the ending of his time in Gainesville. I really hoped it would not be the end of us.
Spiros didn’t go straight from Gainesville to Houston. He first made a trip to Pittsburgh for a three-month training in a specialty that he always wanted to learn. I still haven’t mastered the neurosurgery lingo, so I’m almost definitely messing this up, but I remember it was something about operating through the nose to get to the brain. The plan was that he’d be in Pittsburgh for the summer, and then he’d head to Houston from there, in the fall. I spent as much time in Pittsburgh with him as I could, flying there every couple of weeks. But my business was busy and my speaking career was growing, and it was hard to juggle it all. By golly, we figured it out, though, and we made every moment we had together count. And then, Houston.
It started with me visiting Houston any time I could. And then, somehow, I moved there. We never had a conversation about it. It was just something we knew needed to happen, and so, slowly, it did. I would pack clothes and just leave them there. And then I realized all my stuff was there. And then I realized . . . I think I just moved to Houston. I’m thankful every day for our amazing team who supported me as I distanced myself from Gainesville. I think they knew my move would change our business. I knew it would. And it did. I really think that spending more time in Texas was a subconscious choice on my part to begin to evolve away from Student Maid. I think my move to Houston was my first big step toward that.
In our first Houston apartment is where I primarily wrote Permission to Screw Up. Bless Spiros’ heart, he tried to help me with it as best he could. I remember asking him to help me brainstorm book titles. We decided to use a method I had read that Google frequently used. We set a timer, put a stack of sticky notes on the table, and the rule was to write down any idea that popped into mind on a sticky note. No idea was a bad one. When the timer was up, I read his titles . . .
Culture
Organizational culture
Steps to build a culture
The importance of culture
What you need to know about culture
I thanked him and told him to stick to brain surgery.
After being together for a few years in Houston and surviving me being gone for half of that time for a book tour, we started talking about marriage. It was something we both knew was in the cards for us. He wouldn’t have introduced me to Evie and I wouldn’t have moved to Houston if we hadn’t felt that way. And once we started talking about marriage, I began to think of all the ways he might propose.
One time, we went to dinner, and I noticed a box-like shape in his pocket. I was convinced it was the ring. He asked to go for a walk and I remember thinking, This is it! Turns out it was just the car keys.
A few months after that, we went to Banff National Park in Canada. I was convinced this would be our moment. We took a walk around the romantic Lake Alice. As we were walking, a couple in front of us got engaged. The guy got down on one knee, and at that exact moment, Spiros whispered to me, “How obvious. I would never do it in a place like this.” I realized I had gotten a manicure for nothing.
In true Spiros fashion, he proposed in the most unconventional way. We won a trip to the American Girl store in Washington, D.C. at a silent auction, and we gave it to Evie as her Christmas present. The plan was we’d stay for a few days in Georgetown and enjoy some family time. The first night we were there, we went to dinner at The Jefferson Hotel. As we were waiting for our food, Evie suggested we play a game of “I spy.” (If you aren’t familiar, you describe something you see without explicitly saying what it is, and then everyone has to guess what you are looking at.) Spiros went first. He said, “I spy with my little eye, something . . . pink.”
Evie had a pink toy on the table. It was an “LOL Doll” holder. (If you don’t know what these odd toys are, consider yourself lucky.) I thought Spiros was going easy on her, so I refrained from guessing the obvious to give Evie a chance. She started to look around the room, everywhere except for her pink toy right in front of her on the table. I tried to give her hints but it didn’t work. After a couple of minutes of this, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Is it the toy on the table?” I asked.
That’s when Spiros handed it to me and told me to open it. Confused, I did. A little black box was inside. And that’s the night we became engaged.
Shortly after Spiros put the ring on my finger, we called our loved ones, who were anxiously waiting to celebrate the news. Spiros is a last-minute kind of guy and had only called my parents to tell them about his plan earlier that day. They were elated. Somewhere in the midst of making phone calls, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and Evie asked to come with me. As we were washing our hands, she looked at me in the mirror and said with the biggest grin, “I’m sooooo happy that you said yes.” I will never forget it.
We gave ourselves a year to be engaged before we started planning the wedding. On Christmas Day in 2019, we decided that the best gift we could give ourselves was finding the place we would become husband and wife. After a two-minute search on the internet, Spiros found a beautiful resort in Mexico, and we knew it was the spot for us.
Our wedding didn’t exactly happen as we’d hoped. We were supposed to get married in December of 2020, but of course, the pandemic threw a wrench in that plan. And good thing we didn’t marry that year because I could have never imagined that 2020 would be the most transformational year of my life.
When the pandemic started, I felt called to be in Gainesville with our team. Even though we wouldn't be physically together in order to keep safe, I still felt that I wanted to be near. That decision led to three months in Florida away from Spiros. He never once made me feel guilty, and he encouraged me to stay and do whatever I needed to do to be at peace with myself.
At the same time, my speaking career and our leadership development business started growing at an unprecedented rate. I came back to Houston and was doing my best to keep up, even though it meant less time with Spiros. He never once made me feel bad about that. He told me he was proud of me and he encouraged me to jump excitedly into the chapter that was unfolding before my eyes.
And at the same time as all of that, I made the decision that I wanted to sell the cleaning side of the business. It was the hardest decision I’ve made in my life so far. I questioned everything. My purpose. My identity. My value. Spiros never once questioned me or my choice. He told me he loved me no matter what and encouraged me to follow my heart.
And now, we are here.
Where we started eight years ago is not where we’ve ended up. We’ve grown individually and together, we’ve started new chapters individually and together, and our love has remained constant through it all.
Spiros, if you are reading this (he doesn't always read my blogs, but I don’t watch him operate, so hey, we are even), it is impossible to find the words to describe how much you mean to me, but I will try.
Thank you for seeing me and for loving me just as I am. Thank you for loving me even when you might not like me. Thank you for making me feel safe to be 100% me. Thank you for believing in me and for always inspiring me to be better and think bigger. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being such a dedicated and incredible father. Thank you for bringing calm and peace to my life. Thank you for being the most trustworthy person I know. Thank you for always being willing to talk it out. Thank you for never going to bed angry. Thank you for valuing my independence. Thank you for always letting me pick the TV shows and the movies, even though we both know I fall asleep two seconds in. Thank you for giving me real talk when I need it. Thank you for holding me accountable and saying the stuff I don’t want to hear but need to. Thank you for your humility and your 0% ego. Thank you for being so kind to others. Thank you for your generous heart. Thank you for always doing what you say you will. Thank you for being yourself and for not giving a damn about what other people think. Thank you for inspiring me to do the same. You make my heart so happy. You make my world soooo bright. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I can’t wait to become your wife on October 30th. I am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.
And there you have it. My last blog post as a single woman. I’ll be taking a break from the blog and the LIVEs until the week of November 15th. I can’t wait to show you pictures of what I know will be the happiest day of my life.
Big hugs,
