How to turn performance reviews into trust-building experiences
It’s performance review season . . . who’s excited?!
I used to dread reviews. When I think back to the early days of my company, I would get knots in my stomach every time I had to give a performance review because I was so afraid of a negative outcome. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or demotivate them, especially for those who were doing a lot of things right. But I also struggled with giving routine feedback, so performance reviews often felt like a “catch all” space to address the things I’d been avoiding for months.
I can’t imagine that those reviews felt good on the receiving end, either. I’m sure many people on my team felt blindsided by my feedback. I also didn’t know how to create the space for people to also share feedback about me, so reviews felt very one-sided.
Luckily, I’ve grown a lot since then. And dare I say, I—along with my team-–actually look forward to our quarterly performance reviews. We don’t have a reason to dread them anymore because we’ve turned them into trust-building experiences.
Reviews are a hot topic with a lot of our clients right now, so I thought I’d devote this week’s blog to my best tips for making the performance review experience the best it can be, whether you’re on the giving or receiving end—or even if you work in a place that doesn’t do them at all!
Giving the review
At its best, a review should be the place where we recap feedback that we have already given. It should not be the place where someone is learning about things they could have been doing better months ago.
Why? It causes a huge lapse in trust. The person is likely thinking, “Hey, wait a minute. You had countless opportunities to bring this up over the last several months, but instead, you acted as if everything has been going great. How can I trust that you are not withholding information from me again?”
Consistent, timely feedback is the answer here. Personally, I try to commit to the 24-hour guideline: When possible, I give my feedback within one business day of observing or feeling something. (Sometimes I give myself as much as 48 hours if I need more time to process before communicating my thoughts and feelings.) The result is trust. Reviews then become a recap of what has already been discussed and can be an opportunity to dive deeper and have follow-up conversations.
If you’re giving performance reviews soon and haven’t been leaning into regular and ongoing feedback, my best advice is to give that feedback before the review. Have a conversation. Own that you withheld the feedback because you struggle with it and commit to doing better in the future.
I also want to encourage you to think about performance reviews as your chance to help people grow. If you aren’t being honest about the things people can do better, you are doing them a disservice. People who care want to know how they can grow. I think this can be especially tough when we are talking about high-performers. We might trick ourselves into thinking, “Oh, these are small things. I don't even need to bring them up.” But high-performers especially want to know how they can be better, and withholding that feedback can hurt their future growth.
If you’re struggling with how to present your feedback, consider using one of my favorite feedback methods: keeps and considers. It’s simple: You start by sharing what you would like this person to keep doing (i.e. what they're really awesome at), and then you tell them what you would like them to consider doing differently (i.e. where you see opportunities for growth). (See examples and other feedback methods in our feedback guide!) The more specific you can be, the better. Bring up examples of times you saw those strengths and growth opportunities in action.
And finally, it's critical to make sure that the review is a conversation, not an email or something that is only in written form. Reviews should always be a two-way street. In addition to giving feedback, invite the person to share their perspective and give you feedback about what you are doing great and what you could be doing better, too.
Receiving the review
If you’re on the receiving end of performance reviews, I encourage you to start with some self-reflection. Before your review, get really honest with yourself about what you’re doing well and where you have the opportunity to grow. In my experience, it’s so powerful when someone walks into a review with their own self-assessment. It shows me that they are willing to take ownership and hold themselves accountable, which means I can trust them to do something with the feedback I’m about to give.
For your self-assessment, try the keeps and considers method: Think about two things you think you're doing really well and that you want to keep doing and two things you could consider approaching differently and what the impact of that change could be. As humans, it’s so easy for us to get caught up in all the things we could be doing better, so give yourself a framework that encourages you to think about the positive things, too.
It could also be helpful to start keeping an accomplishment log so that you’re not scrambling to think of things right before your review. Anytime you do something you're proud of, write it down. By the time your review comes around again, you will have plenty of things to choose from to talk about!
During the review itself, I encourage you to get curious about the feedback you get. Remember that feedback is a gift: The person giving it cares about you and wants to help. Even if you disagree with the feedback, the fact that they're giving it to you and they’re willing to be honest with you about what they think is a sign that there's trust and safety in your relationship. Many times, I've been on the receiving end of feedback I have disagreed with, but I still “tried it on.” When I sat with it and asked other people I trust for their perspective, I realized that the feedback was highlighting things about myself or my actions that I just wasn't aware of. So even if you disagree with the feedback in the moment, say thank you and become curious about it.
If you get feedback that isn't clear or doesn't make sense, ask for specific examples. It's really important that you understand the feedback you get—and in fact, you deserve clear feedback. Vague feedback is more hurtful than helpful. If the feedback you get in your review is vague or doesn’t come with specific examples, it might mean your leader needs more time. Ask to schedule a check-in at a later date and give your leader the space to think more intentionally.
And finally, remember that you deserve a conversation. If your review is given to you in written form only, ask to have a chat with your leader and go through it. Ask questions. Share your perspective. Give feedback to your leader if you didn’t have the opportunity to do that in the review process. It might feel scary to put yourself out there like that, but it can also be a really powerful way to build greater trust between you.
If you don’t have performance reviews
If you haven't had a review in a long time—or if your organization doesn’t do them at all—ask for one! Tell your leader you would like to have an open chat about feedback with them and schedule a time to meet. Before you get together, reflect on what you think you're doing well and what you think you could be doing better. Use this as a chance to think about some feedback to give your leader as well. What are they doing really well? What could they be doing better? After you have the chat, choose a time for your next one. Ensure that you are getting what you need so that you can grow!
And there we have it! I hope these tips were helpful.
Here’s to turning performance-review dread into excitement for meaningful, trust-building conversations!
Big hugs,
