Are you overwhelmed?
Let me paint the scene for you:
I’m sitting on Zoom with my team for our weekly meeting.
It’s my first day back at work after a week off, and this is my last meeting of the day. I’ve had meetings back-to-back-to-back with very few breaks and very little time in between. We are discussing a big project that we are supposed to be implementing in the near future, and I’ve got a lot on my plate.
In the meeting, I’m not really listening to my team or the ideas they are sharing. I’m getting defensive and giving reasons as to why we can't do things or go down the paths that the team is suggesting in regard to this specific project.
Toward the end of the meeting, there was a pause in the conversation. Monique, our Chief of Growth and my thought partner, spoke up and said, “Can I ask you a question, Kristen?” Of course, I said. I figured it was related to the project we were discussing. And then, she asked, “Are you overwhelmed?”
It totally caught me off guard. It also disarmed me—I took a second to pause and breathe. I think I responded with, “No, I’m okay.”
After our meeting ended, I sat there and reflected on Monique's question. Was I overwhelmed?
It didn’t take me long to figure out that yes, I absolutely was. This project was causing a lot of pressure, and I wasn’t sure of the direction we should take it. That feeling combined with being in meetings all day and trying to catch up after a week off? Of course I was overwhelmed.
I sat there and reflected on how I’d shown up in the meeting. I’d been defensive, impatient, and intense—so much so that it caused Monique to ask me that question. It was the opposite of how I wanted to show up as a leader.
I decided to send voice messages to each member of my team. (We love to communicate via WhatsApp because it’s less demanding than a phone call and we can hear each other’s voices and tones.) My messages sounded a little something like this: “I’m sorry if I seemed a bit off or frazzled today in our meeting. I reflected on Monique’s question, and I am overwhelmed. I’m unsure of how to best move forward with the project, and that’s what you saw today. I’m so sorry for how I showed up, and I’m sorry if the way I showed up impacted you in a way that wasn’t great. I completely own it and I wanted you to know where that feeling is coming from.”
My team’s response was kind: “It’s all good; you’re human,” they said. Most said that I didn't come across as intense as I thought I did but that it made sense to them why I showed up that way. They all appreciated the apology.
The following week, we decided to do something about the project that was overwhelming me. And if it weren’t for Monique asking that question, it might not have happened as soon as it did.
This experience reminded me of two important things:
1) The power of being curious with love. Monique asked me about my overwhelm in such a disarming way that it helped me stop and think. It was the domino that led to me apologizing to the team and doing something about my overwhelm.
And 2) The power of owning our screwups. As leaders, we're going to have moments where we don't show up how we intend. That's what it means to be human. And the best thing that we can do when that happens is own it and apologize. When we do that, not only do we build trust, but we give others the permission to screw up, too.
I hope this reminds you that we need each other. May we all have the courage to speak up with love and hold each other accountable to showing up at our best!
Big hugs,
